[April Masini, your AskApril]

Unfortunately, you do know where he stands. You just don’t like it. His behavior is what you need to pay attention to. My advice is that if you want marriage and more children, and you’ve given this relationship a good amount of time to play out, you need to move on. He is not going to give you those things. Yo’ve been clear. He’s been, as well (if not direct). I think it’s time to move on and follow your dreams.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I agree with your mom and your therapist. But perhaps for a different reason.

If you want the relationship with your boyfriend to continue, you should probably let this go. If you do tell him, he will probably break up with you. If you’d rather be super honest and know that in doing so, this late in the game, your confession will end the relationship, then proceed, but be forewarned. If you can see this as a “little white lie” that’s part of your past, then let it go and move forward.

I hope that helps. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it, thanks.

So the reason he’s backing away is because you’re pressuring him to define a relationship way too soon. 😕 You’ve only known him for a week. You should never have “the talk” with a guy — at any time — let alone so soon. “The talk” is when one person wants clarity on the relationship. The person who starts “the talk” is usually the one who is unhappy with the way things are and is trying to leverage “the talk” into a relationship defining title. When he told you not to overthink things, he meant that you’re pressing him to decide what this is, when he’s not ready to.

Back off and enjoy the relationship, but make sure you’re dating smart — use the first three months of any relationship to simply decide if you want to continue dating him. If you do, use the second three months to decide if you want monogamy. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He may be the love of your life, but you’re not the love of his. 🙁 It’s really disappointing when someone doesn’t love you back, or doesn’t behave the way you want them to. But the reality is that he’s not interested and you should move on for good. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like she’s rejected you because you asked her out and she wasn’t interested. I don’t think you made a mistake — I think you went after what you wanted, and you gave it a shot. 😉 Now, you have clarity. Unfortunately, you don’t like the clarity. She’s not your friend, but if you want to try and win her over, you’re going to have talk to her in person. I understand that you’re afraid of further rejection, but that’s really the only option you have. So ask yourself what’s the worst thing that will happen if you walk up to her and say hello and start a conversation. If she rejects you again, you may be embarrassed, but you’ll have given it another try. Or, she may talk to you and you’ll be very happy you didn’t give up. 🙂 I suggest you take the risk.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think having a better perspective will help. 😉

You met this guy online and the only time you met in person was a hookup. I know you want FWB, but you’re not friends — which is the basis for friends with benefits — so basically, you’re just hook up buddies. Your one month texting online, before meeting to hook up, turns out not to have been the basis for a friendship. So, if you want to be someone he hooks up with if he’s interested, then you’ve got that. But if you want to be friends, I don’t think he’s really interested. 🙁 Ask yourself if this experience has clarified your position on relationships any further. If it has, then hone your goals and go after what you want.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re overthinking this. It’s good to keep in mind that you may end up being the rebound guy — but life isn’t neat and perfect, and sometimes you meet someone who isn’t exactly where you want them to be on their personal timeline. That’s what you should keep in mind. In terms of your behavior, don’t lay your cards on the table and try to hedge against getting hurt. Instead, just ask her out for something fun — and focus on getting to know her to see if she is the one for you, not deciding she’s the one before you get to know her. The process of dating is your friend. Pressure to turn this into something it isn’t, is not.

I hope that helps. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You did the right thing.

To move forward, be clear about what you want — don’t fool yourself into thinking you want a hookup when you really want love, affection and commitment. 😉 Since you’ve stumbled a little, emotionally, take good care of yourself. Exercise, smile at 20 new guys every day, and fill your calendar with a good balance of work and play. Make sure you surround yourself with supportive and fun friends and family members and go to the moves, museums, concerts — stay engaged and interesting. Let your friends and family know you’re single and ask them to introduce you to anyone they might know who’s also single and interesting.

You’re going to be fine. Just give it some time, and be proactive. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since you’ve only been dating for three months, and he started dating you right after breaking up from his ex, you’re the rebound. 😕 He wasn’t really ready for a fresh relationship because he hadn’t gotten over his last one. The fact that you snooped through his phone isn’t the main problem here. It’s that he’s really interested in getting back together with her. I think you should just accept reality and be glad you’ve only invested three months with him and not more. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good advice! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. Thank you.

First of all, I don’t believe you’re just interested in hooking up with him. I think you want more, and the reason I think that is because you’re following him on line, you’re checking to see if he’s responding to your texts, and you’re asking questions about whether to give up on him or not. A good hook up artist doesn’t care about any of that. They just care about whether they’re meeting their goal or not: hooking up.

I think that you miss having a relationship, and since he’s your last relationship, it’s natural to go back to him. However, he’s not showing interest, and that’s your sign to move on. Reconsider the hookup aspect of your relationships. I think you really do want a real relationship and you’re faced with the difficulty and obstacles of starting from scratch — but if you do, and you succeed, you’ll be glad you did.

I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you’re trying to force this to work. Instead of leaning in, lean back. Listen. Observe. See if there really is something between the two of you or not. It’s sounding like you had an initial attraction to him, but as you’re getting to know him, the two of you are not as compatible as you’d like, and you’re trying to force this to work instead of observing and deciding whether or not it will work.

You’re a little young for this advice, I think, but I typically tell people to use the first three months of dating someone (and you’re not there yet), to simply decide if they like the person enough to continue dating them. This slower time frame lets you get to know someone and simply decide if you’re interested in each other and compatible. When you pressure yourself into a relationship instead of examining the two of you together to see if you click over time, you’re jumping the gun. I’m hoping you can hang back and see what’s there — not how to fix things so early in the game. 😉

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