[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you?

Do you have a job? If not, how long have you been unemployed?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s not ready for a relationship. You are. That’s an incompatibility. Men have a lot of their self esteem tied up in their jobs and careers and he’s at an age where a landmark birthday is coming. He’s probably measuring up where he is, where he wants to be, and how to get there. I sense there’s a gap between what he wants and what he has. You seem a little more stable and it sounds like you want someone who’s stable, as well. Try to find a guy who is more available to be in a relationship because he’s already met a lot of the goals he has for himself at whatever age he’s at. Guys are usually ready for real relationships when they’re where they want to be in the rest of their life.

Hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re a single parent with two kids of your own — you don’t need this type of drama in your life. You met a pregnant, single mother online who is depressed, has self esteem issues, and wants to be just friends with you but is sending you mixed messages at the same time. And she lives an hour away. Maybe I can buy you a neon sign that says, “Run!”

If you’re new to dating since your divorce, make a list of everything you want in a date or a partner. Be practical. Whoever you bring into your life is going to affect your parenting and your kids and may be a future step-mother to them. The list may seem facile, but it’s a great way for you to get clear about who you are and what your’e looking for so you don’t just date the first person with whom you have sparks. Sparks are great. Chemistry is, too — but it’s not enough. Date smart! 😉 Next.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

She’s a grown up. If he “intimidates” her into getting back together with him, she’s not ready for a relationship with you. 😳 If she wants your advice on how to make things better with him, offer to help her block her e-mails, phone and social media so he can’t make contact, and offer to drive her to the police station to ask how to get their help if she feels endangered. Otherwise, you’ve got a girlfriend who’s still interested in her ex. 😕

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The problem is that you jumped the gun. You should use the first three months of dating to decide if you want to continue seeing each other. You’re getting to know each other during these three months of dating, and basically having fun while gathering information, analyzing and doing what I call, smart dating. Instead, you claimed a commitment and introduced each other to families as a committed couple. Way too soon for that! You don’t know each other that well, yet. 😉 If at the three month mark, you both want to continue dating, then you should use the next three months to decide if you want to be monogamous. That’s really when you have the beginning of a commitment. I know that this feels like a slow timeframe, but it allows you to avoid this kind of drama because you’ve given each other the time and space to really get to know each other before making a commitment. 😉

From here, obviously, you need to slow things down and rewind if possible. But you should also be playing the field to take the pressure off of this relationship. 😉 I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

This is really all in your control. If you want to be a girlfriend, then you have to act like one. If you want to be a booty call, then you can act like one. He’s clear, you’re not. You have to do what you want to get what you want. If you want to stop seeing him then do so. If you don’t, then don’t. There’s no magic trick here. It’s all very simple. But you have to do the work. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I wish I had a crystal ball for you — and myself! But the reality is he’s broken up with you because of issues in his life. It’s always a little more difficult for some people to process breakups where there is no cheating, no abuse, no bad behavior — and it’s a civilized “transaction”. The reasons you mention for his wanting to break up all make a lot of sense. Guys invest a lot of their identity into their work, and if he’s struggling or transitioning in his career, he may not be ready for a relationship. However…. he will be dating others, and because of that, I think that you should, too. It’s only been a week since the break up, and yes, anything is possible, but you should move on with both feet in when considering new relationships. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s already ending. He’s lost interest. My advice is that you move on and find someone who IS interested in you. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Great! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your problem is your long-term marriage that you say has been troubled for about 20 years. I’m not sure how long you’ve been married. Twenty years is a long time to be in a marriage that is troubled and I’m not sure if you wanted to work on your marriage or if you tried. It sounds like this old high school friend was your exit door to the marriage. It would have been cleaner if you had decided to leave the marriage and simply done so, at some point when you realized that it wasn’t working for you and you wanted out. But that’s now water under the bridge. The important thing is that you want out of your marriage, and even if it’s done in a clunky way, you’re getting out. So try and take care of that business regardless of this other woman. File for divorce and see that process through to avoid more complications. 😉

Your second problem is that you found an old love who is in a long term relationship with a man, and you’ve left your wife for her — I think, without discussing this step with the other woman. Now, she doesn’t want to be with you, and you want to figure out how to convince her to do so. This one is more difficult problem. Obviously, you should divorced and “become single” so you can actually be available. Next, you have to back off a little bit — you jumped the gun in your relationship with her. I read that you saw her once, have been talking a lot on the phone and texting, and you’ve sent her gifts, which she’s now returned. You haven’t dated. You’ve only been in touch for a month since high school. And she’s with another guy. 😕 Those are three big obstacles! So cool down and see if you can give her some time to consider what she wants to do. You should probably acknowledge (and apologize) that you came on so strong and let her know you’re backing off. When the divorce is complete, get back in touch with her and see if she’s interested in dating you. But for now, I think you need to get your own affairs in order and do some damage control with her

I hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Fill me in a little more!

How old are you both? How long has this been going on?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

She has chosen not to contact you. That’s how relationships end.

🙁

[Member]

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