[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s tough to have those conversations if you’re in a rut. You’re used to seeing each other at school and talking about classes and things that are surrounding you. Why not change the environment? Don’t expect those deeper conversations to happen at school because you’ve got a groove going there. But if you find yourself walking with him outside of school, that’s when you can change the conversation. The environment for anything — whether it’s a conversation, a date, a meeting or a family get together — is influenced by surroundings, so consider changing yours if you want to change the conversation.

Next, draw him out instead of launching into a monologue. Ask him questions about what he wants to do for the summer, after high school, in his life. Ask him if he sees himself staying in the town you’re in or if he sees himself a world traveler. Tell him you had a dream, where x, y and z happened. Get the conversation going by asking him about himself.

And lastly, be open minded. He may not be a deep thinker like you are, so don’t try to make him be something he’s not. Boyfriends don’t have to be your everything. They can be companionable — without being your soul mate. They can be a lot of fun, but you turn to your best friend to talk about this serious stuff. In other words, if he’s not the deep conversationalist you’re looking for, see if you can get those needs met with a friend or someone else and if you like spending time with him without those deep conversations, see if you’re okay with that, too.

Hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

A drunken kiss between exes at a party…. could mean something or nothing. The questions you have to ask yourself are: 1) Why did you break up and has anything changed that would want to make you get back together given the break up reasons and 2) Do you want to pursue this or just let it be a romantic moment that happened and doesn’t mean more than that?

If you want to pursue her, call and ask her out. If you want to let it be, that’s okay, too. Not every kiss has to lead something more. 😉 Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you should take a couple of steps back to gain some perspective. You’re in a relationship with a guy, and if all else is going well, why make a mountain out of what can be a molehill? In other words, this is one you can let go. You’re trying to make one of you wrong — which means one of you will lose. The reality is that if you hadn’t tried to befriend your bully, his trying to befriend her would be a betrayal. But since you did try to befriend the bully, and he followed your lead, he didn’t really do anything wrong. The problem is that the bully rejected you, and now you want him to reject her as a punitive measure. My advice, let it go. You can’t win this one in the big picture on the track you’re on. Take the high road and don’t spend a lot of time thinking about this.

I hope that helps. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. You’re 15 and he’s 16. What kind of deeper things do you want to discuss, that you’re afraid he’s not open to?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. So your expectations don’t match reality. He’s a 21 year guy who’s selfish. And you’re a 19 year old young woman who’s acting like a bank instead of a girlfriend. My advice is to stop lending him money. It’s not helping anyone. And if you don’t want to date a selfish guy, who’s bad with money, then find someone else. These are actually big deals in relationships at all ages — money compatibility and selfishness. I know you’ve invested two years, but you’ve learned something in that time that’s brought you to this moment. I don’t think you can expect him to change, but you can expect yourself to. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I guess I’m having trouble understanding how you moved in with her and lay around all the time — if you’re in school full time, and how she was supporting you if you’re getting money from student loans and parents….

It sounds like that was what started repelling her, and I was going to help you address those issues, but I’m not clear on them. If you’re in school full time, how can you be lying around?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Yes! You have to wait for him to ask you out on a date. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Hey, DEEDEEover60, please stop posting on other people’s threads. Go back to the original string of posts you’ve started here: , and post this question as a “reply”. That way I can see all your posts in one place, and not tagged onto other people’s questions and answers. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you for the extra information. It helps!

It sounds like you have some issues on your side of the street and he has some on his, and you’re frustrated because you feel that the communication isn’t the way you’d like it to be, and he’s not responding the way you’d like him to. Let me know if I got that right.

My advice about the communication is to create situations where you can talk without pressure. If you use the, “We have to talk,” line, expect him to stress out and clam up. But if you go for a bike ride together or walk in the park on a weekend together, it’s a great time to talk openly and exercise that channel of communication you want and don’t have. Communication doesn’t come naturally for everyone. You have to work at. My advice to you is to help create these opportunities through date night, exercise and doing errands together, so that you have these places where you can talk about anything and everything.

As for his shyness and sometimes coldness, you can see if you can be okay with him not responding the way you’d like him to all the time. It sounds like he’s got that same issue with you on his side of the street, so this is a great time for you to practice patience and understanding the same way you’d like him to do for you. Relationships are fluid and sometimes they’re up, sometimes down. If you can weather the dynamics, you’ll be better able to see the big picture and not focus on the little things.

I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

“Would you like to have dinner with me on Saturday?” or “Would you like to go to a movie on Friday night with me?”

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Please limit your posts to one at a time. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’d love to answer your questions, but first…. please repost this as a “reply” to the string of posts you’ve already begun on this site here: . It’s much easier for me (and anyone else here who wants to chime in) to give you better advice when we see your entire history in one place.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. Thanks for the extra information. If this is new behavior, either he suspects he’s going to lose you, or he’s got something going on in his life that he can’t control, so he’s projecting control onto his relationship with you. I think that you can approach this a couple of different ways. First, you can ease up on his snooping. I know this seems counter productive, but if you fight him on his snooping, he’s got even more reason to suspect foul play on your part. Instead, offer him your phone and your computer. Let him go through your stuff. See if changing your behavior in this way calms him down. Second, you can talk to him — but you have to do it in a way that doesn’t back him into a corner where he feels defensive. Instead, tell him that you’ve noticed he’s really interested in what you’re doing and who you’re communicating with when he’s not around, and it made you wonder if everything is okay with him. Open the door, gently, to allow him to talk about what’s happening in his life — because if it is a change in his behavior, something was the catalyst. If he can talk to you about it, you may be able to help him process and overcome the obstacle that’s creating negative behavior that’s being channeled towards you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

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