[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it, thank you for that information. It helps!

It sounds like you’re both teenagers and you’re involved with a guy who’s all over the map emotionally and he’s not taking good care of you or being respectful enough of the time to make you feel good about yourself or the relationship. He’s got all kinds of motivations for his behavior that aren’t all healthy — but the most important thing is that you stay with him in spite of these uncomfortable and unhealthy relationship dynamics. You have to ask yourself what [b]you’re[/b] getting out of this that’s making [b]you[/b] stay.

I think you already know what I’m going to say. 😉 You should do what’s healthy and find someone to date who is kind, respectful and less motivated by negative emotions. If you aren’t single, you can’t find someone else. And if you choose to stay with someone who’s unhealthy, hurtful and erratic, you’re making an unhealthy and unhappy choice for yourself. The ball is in your court.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. Thank you.

Your boyfriend isn’t ready for a committed, monogamous relationship — but he wants one. And, he wants to meet women outside the relationship. This could be for comfort, because he’s bored, or he’s curious. He’s a young guy who’s enjoying female attention and he’s looking for it. He probably does love you and he wants to commit to you, but he’s not mature enough to be honest about his own true feelings right now. He’s saying what he needs to say to keep you in the game. But he’s also playing the field.

My advice is to accept that he does love you but isn’t ready for the same thing you are. If you want a committed, monogamous relationship, he’s not the guy for that. I’m sorry because I know this is probably hard to hear, but I hope that it’s a relief because you won’t keep making yourself crazy by believing what he’s telling you and getting hurt by what he’s doing.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Ask her out on a date! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How long had you been dating before you broke up?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

How long have you been dating?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you take a few steps back to get some perspective, I’m sure you’ll see that life isn’t neat. It’s messy. People color outside the lines. And relationships may end in divorce, but the love doesn’t die. In fact relationships end all the time, and just because they result in a break up, it doesn’t mean there are no feelings left. Sometimes those feelings last an entire lifetime in spite of a couple going on to marry others and lead happy lives with those others. Sometimes it’s over right away and sometimes it takes a specific, unique and individual time line to finish feelings. Your boyfriend has feelings for an ex — but he’s not with the ex, and he hasn’t been for an entire year. He’s with you. His feelings for her may or may not go away, but what’s more important is his behavior. You need someone who’s going to be mature and responsible in addition to loving and respectful and wanting to share mutual goals. If he’s done with his ex but will always have fond feelings for her — but he loves and respects you and wants a relationship with you, you’ve got a good thing. Don’t pick at a scab that’s healing. And don’t rush into this relationship with him. Slow down. Take your time. Take a lot of time. And make sure that before you move in together get married and raise a family together, you’ve really gotten to know him so that you can feel more certain that he’s had loves in his past, but you’re his Ms. Right. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you for sharing that. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I know. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If it works, then it’s fine. If it doesn’t work, then you should really re-read this advice and take some of it, even if it doesn’t feel right to you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

No. He’s done and he’s moved on. If you were arguing pretty frequently during the entire year you were together, it’s understandable that one or both of you would move on to try and find a relationship where there isn’t that kind of arguing. I know you want him back, but being in a relationship where you’re arguing that frequently isn’t healthy or pleasant. You’ll do better if you find someone with whom you don’t argue. It sounds like there were more than a few compatibility issues that led to the arguing and this is a great time to really think about what went wrong and why — so you can choose someone who’s more compatible next time around.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. So, it sounds like after dating for three months, you made a mistake and told him you don’t want to see him, but now you realize that even though you were feeling awkward with him, you [b]do[/b] want to go back to dating him. The problem is that you rejected him, so he may not want to get involved again and face that possible rejection a second time — especially since there wasn’t a misunderstanding, just a change of heart on your part. That’s what you’re up against. My advice is that you flirt with him and let him know you made a mistake. See if he’s still interested in dating you.

That said…. don’t get so serious so quickly! 😉 That way you won’t feel so pressured to “be in a relationship”. I always advise using the first three months of dating someone to figure out if you want to continue dating him (and for him to do the same with you). You should both be playing the field at the same time and not taking this too seriously. Use the time to explore the relationship, not pressure yourself to feel a certain way. Be a little lighter. 🙂

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