[Anonymous]

Thankyou very much for your response April. I do like him, I’m happy being friends, as we have been for many years, but he is the type of guy that I would love to date. So I guess you could say I want to date him if it works out that way. I’ve never had a proper boyfriend, so I really don’t know how to go about it. I’m generally not a risk taker, especially not in a situation like this because we’ve been friends for so many years.

I apologize for any ignorance here April, but how am I flirting with him and what are the signs that make you think he likes me? I’m the type who has been known to flirt with guys and I thought I was just having a friendly conversation with them.

Cheers.

[Anonymous]

Thanks April.

My next question would be that if I dont want to walk away is there anyway to address this issue with her? To make my feelings known without causing a fight or a breakup. I know I will have a serious problem just walking away. I’m head over heels for this girl and am in pieces over what is going on. I feel that when I ask her to spend time with me I am taking her away from her daughter but then he shows up at her parents place and they then hangout there. I am unable to go there as I stated previously but she insists that i have nothing to worry about and that she loves me. I put A LOT of myself into what we are and just have gotten to the point that I am between breaking down or being totally in love and happy.

Also I am 25 years old.

[Anonymous]

April,
Thank you so much for the helpful advice. It was simple and very straightforward advice. I don’t feel so confident anymore. Part of me is saying “he’s already gone and you know it” and playing the waiting game will be extremely difficult. I also wanted to add that he has asked me out before. Twice, actually. I don’t know if that makes a difference, but I just didn’t want it to seem that I was constantly demanding a date every week.

I just know the next few things will upset you, but I need to ask anyway.
Why would a simple text asking if hes alright be that harmful? (a text and nothing more after that unless he initiates it)
Maybe something like “I hope all is well with you. get in touch when you get the chance”
What about a phone call? We don’t really talk on the phone, so it’s a bit out of my comfort zone to do so. But it seems more direct, but maybe thats needed?

I guess I’m asking because I want to know now and not later. Mostly because I’m impatient and doubting myself up and down already. There’s less than two weeks left in October, but that seems like a long time for me since it’s been a week already.

Thanks for any help. I don’t want you to think I’m not taking your advice! I really appreciate any that you offer

[Anonymous]

Hi April,

Thank you for your input on this. I will check out your book and see what I’ll decide to do with myself 🙂

[Anonymous]

Thank you very much. I really wanted someone else’s opinion on this. Will hopefully meet him again in few weeks and will update. 🙂

[Anonymous]

I’ve never been on Twitter but I’ll see if I can create an account. It’s been nearly a week since we last made contact. Any ideas of a friendly text I could sent through.

[Anonymous]

It’s been nearly a week since we last made contact. Any ideas of a friendly text I could sent through.

[Anonymous]

thank you….not what i wanted to hear. but its what i needed to hear. I am the one who lives in Hawaii. He lives in states.

I’ve not been texting him or calling him unless he does so first. Is this still ok?

[Anonymous]

[quote=”whiteberry”]-Lifetime Partner – destiny or choice?

Do you believe that the person whom you would share the rest of your life
is someone who was destined to be yours or someone who was your choice…?[/quote]

I believed it is a choice. We are given by a supreme creator a free hand to choose. We have minds to choose and decide who we want to be our partner in the future.

[Anonymous]

Sweetie…you’re still young. I’m almost 30, and I have known a handful of friends that get in relationships with men (and either know at the beginning or find out once they catch feelings) that they are married or in a long term relationship. While this guy isn’t married, everything you said sounds like the same story. These friends tell me verbatum the same things that you are saying this guy says to you.

There are 4 ways this situation can go: 1) Stays with his gf and you leave him alone 2) Stays with his gf and keeps you on the side 3)Stays with his gf and has another girl on the side (not you) 4) Leaves his gf….

While chances are that he’s insecure, that’s why he needs to keep you around (as a back-up), but best case scenario – he leaves his gf (and possibly decides to be with you)….and this is a VERRRRRRYYYY slim option – but if it does happen – chances are – he will do the same thing to you – because he doesn’t respect you – and that’s clear – and as harsh as it sounds – he doesn’t love you. If he did, he would have ended it with her IMMEDIATELY and been exclusive with you. Once there is no respect left for someone, it’s very difficult to earn that back.

You are just setting yourself up for disappointment and while it’s your choice – I can tell you from experience in my own life (and in multiple friends lives) that this story is the same beginning as many and the ending will most likely happen the same. I have a friend waiting for a man for the past 10 yrs (and a baby later with him) to get out of his relationship – saying the same things to her as this man said to you. Now she is 30 wondering what happened to her 20s – missing out on so many guys and so many opportunities – all for someone who had no love and no respect. Good luck with everything, but there are plenty of guys out there that will want to be with you – and you should enjoy being young and figuring out what you want – not waiting on someone who isn’t worth it!

[Anonymous]

I read this and had to reply, because the same type of situation happened to me. I read the emails/texts of my boyfriend and found that he was still talking quite frequently to his ex. He would use the nickname he “made”for her and constantly talk about all the great memories he had of the two of them. I ignored it and let it go on thinking that, just like you, I’d have to give him up or just cause a big problem. Well, it kept up anyway, and I mentioned that he left his email up and I saw she had written him. He blew it off saying they were still just friends and that I had to just deal with that. I already knew it was more than that. I did the BEST decision I have ever made. I gave him an ultimatum. I told him that I didn’t want to share the guy I love with anyone else. There can still be emotional cheating, even if they aren’t physically hooking up. I kicked him out of my house and he went to hang out with her. That hurt like hell, but I knew it was what was best for me. He still called me when he was with her, but I never answered. After a month, he sent me a long letter of apology and told me how much he missed me and regreted what he had done. He felt comfortable with her and was scared to break out and dive in completely with someone else. We got back together on the condition that she was out of our lives for good. We are now happily married and have been so for 3 years. 🙂

Take control of the situation. If he cares about you, he’ll give her up. If he won’t give her up, you deserve better anyway because he can’t fully be devoted to you. Be Strong!!! Good Luck!

[Anonymous]

I was thinking something like this
I miss you, hope you’re doing well. You dont need to reply to this. Just wanted to let you know im thinking of you.

any other suggestions?

[Anonymous]

I’m 30 and my biological clock is ticking extremely loud. Yes, we do live together and I do have a ring. The reason that I haven’t rushed a date was exactly for this situation. I guess that I will have to draw the line with what type of relationship he has with the children (and her). While I won’t say that he can never see and talk to the kids (as the oldest one sees him as a father figure), he will have to limit it to special occasions and not be a daily/weekly/monthly thing, and if can’t respect that – as hard as it may be – I will need to let him go. I appreciate your advice….I have a lot of thinking to do. Thanks again!

[Anonymous]

If i sent him a email.. what would I say?

[Anonymous]

I really don’t mind driving through every few weeks if I know our friendship warrants it. Where I get stuck is, how do I get to know someone better, who doesn’t really like the conventional methods i.e. telephone calls or texting. She doesn’t have an email address either. I’ll be the first to say that I don’t want a friendship based on impersonal contact but how do I, not make a nuisance of myself while yet getting to know her better through these methods mentioned above. I thought of Skype but she told me that all she really uses her computer for is assignments for university.

[Member]

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