[Anonymous]

Just in case you are wondering, some more background information case it helps with advice any:
he is 21 and I am 20 going on 21
He came to the same college that I chose
He has a very immature sense of humor majority of the time, and is over imaginative always off in his own little universe
I am not that physically attracted to him, I was drawn by his personality because we are very similar (we don’t or didn’t go out partying, we don’t drink, try to stay away from people who find themselves in trouble)
Our chosen professions that we aim for seem to lead in fairly opposite directions (in my opinion) I am going back to my home town to continue a family business in agriculture and he has no idea what he wants to do but is getting a business degree

[Anonymous]

I think you need to just jump out of your comfort zone. Be a little daring and chat him up as much as possible, if something still seems off, talk to him about it. Tell him he seems different, and you’re curious to see if he’s alright. Opening up to him and showing that you care will make you seem more inviting.

[Anonymous]

I say press the charges. He lied to you and let someone else drive around in your stolen vehicle. If 6 months of incarceration hasn’t shown him that there are consequences to his actions, then he needs to be taught that lesson again.

[Anonymous]

I am in my 20`s he`s in his early 30`s. I agree with you that one week out of the four months is not a big deal. Maybe its just the fact that I have issues of insecurity that I need to deal with. Yes he is a perfect gentleman and is a great guy. I just dont know how to come out and tell the friend we are talking and I am scared to get hurt by him. So any little thing he does, which isnt much, I take it offensive…

[Anonymous]

Hi April.
We have been broken up for about 1.5 months now. Because I didn’t trust him and because I felt like I deserved better, I though us not being together was the best for both of us. To explain further, he said the time that we spent apart had really made him realize what he did was wrong. I do believe him when he says that he never went out with any of the women but just had a flirty relationship with them over text messages. He did agree it was to boost his ego and because he was going with the flow of the conversations and this text message relationship. Of course I feel like I can’t trust him but I hurt everyday and miss him and love him very much. He wants to try again. This will be the 3rd time. I have to also tell you honestly, that because all this was happening, since e broke up, I started to see other men. So I am not perfect either but I felt like this chapter was closed in my life. To me, I want to try again as well because I also feel like I’m setting myself up for failure yet again. I know people make mistakes but come on, this mistake has occurred over and over again. I always think about the old adage, a zebra doesn’t change their stripes.” You are who you are!
So this is where my confusion comes in. Do I give it one more try and go with the gut which says that I deserve better in a man and want better from a man. I’m a great person and can offer so much to a person.

[Anonymous]

I really think you are awesome in your advice and I am not saying that just as a compliment. You really help me with your advice. 🙂

The problem is that he works as a sales manager in his uncle’s company in Greece. That means that if the company goes well he can have a share on the gains and involve much quicker in his career. I mean things get really nicer for him as time goes by. Being an employee in a foreign company , let’s say in the UK, though still he does not possess the adequate experience, wouldn’t offer him so much as well as prospects for professional development. So, it is best for him to stay here in that perspective. And it is better for me to leave. I wouldn’t want him to follow me if he had to ruin his life. He wouldn’t want me to ruin my life staying here as well. But I would love him being with me. If he didn’t have this position I think he would come! Still, I must tell you that he has already applied for a master in Sweden. But possibly not accepted. He told me that if accepted, it would be better for us since trips abroad are much cheaper than trips from Greece to the UK.

Insofar the economic concerns come into play, I gain at about 1400 euro per month when the average salary in Greece for university graduates is 800! Still, I want to study Psychology of Education since this is what I am really interested in. I don’t care just for the money. I care to love what I am doing. I could become an interpreter since I know German as well. Don’t know if it will make me happy though… I want to look ahead, long term, not just live the moment and not care about the future. Yes, I want to have a family finally, but I want a regular job, preferably a morning one and a steadier one!

And I think you are right. Still, do you consider that a year can destroy a relationship? It is just one year! What is your opinion about what I asked you about soulmates! 🙂 It has been nice sharing my thoughts with you 🙂 Thank you!

[Anonymous]

there is compatibility but insofar the shared goals are concerned if i actually move, there is going to be no common goals…

i am really confused because when i have a good time with me partner ( almost all of the times ) i cannot bear the thought of not having seen him for so long… on the other hand, when we have fights i actually wanna move country… and pursue my career… i am not a career oriented person, he is much more than me… he would leave if he was in my shoes… he is much more rational and he is living for the present moment…me, most of the times i decide based on my feelings that is why i am being so deliberate right now! still, i don’t like staying still in my life… i have dreams… i just keep changing my mind due to my feelings and that is really not good. if it wasn’t for him, i would be so happy about my master!

What can i do? if i choose to leave, i am leaving him… and i am pursuing a good career… and what if he is the one? and i lose him? do you believe that we only have one soul mate? or that it is a product of our imagination? i am not focused on marriage, but i would like to get married to somebody i admire and i am deeply in love with… i like being successful, but i am happy when i am with him… still, my job recently does not give me the satisfaction it gave me some years ago and in greece there are no significant career prospects due to the economic crisis as well as to the huge competition!!! being a teacher in a private school requires a master and much experience… my experience is 7 years but 7 years ( i am 26 years old) of private teaching does not count for them, because it is under the table…

thank you some much!

[Anonymous]

Dear April, do you believe that if the love is real the relationship is going to last via distance? If it spoils, does it mean it wasn’t meant to be or it was not real? Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Thank you April i’m going to take advantage of your words and try to think about it. It is not that i don’t want to be alone since i have been alone since i’m separated rejecting all kind of invitations, it is just that i met this special guy, unluckily in a bad time, bad place but although he doesn’t deserve what i am doing. You are right April, the first thing i should do right know is tell him that i’m leaving, after all is going to make me feel better and is going to let him think clearly about his life..makes me feel sad but it is the way it have to be. I’ll survive 😉 Thanks April.

[Anonymous]

While i was reading i was watching myself 3 years ago! just with the particular thing that he didn’t even help me out with our kid even he loves him so much. My ex husband “excuse” was that he was working too hard to give us support as i said it was an excuse because since i started working all was the same day a day thing, i tried to do my best after work taking care of my child, cooking, having everything ready to just let him feel comfortable when he arrives home but seemed that nothing satisfied him since he said that he loves me so much but not a piece of affective received, it was really bothering me and i can say that i’m pretty sure what you are feeling right now. Even i’d been passing thru almost the same history I’m sorry to tell you that i can’t help you maybe if i have had found this site 3 years ago i wouldn’t have end in a divorce but well things happens and to tell you the true i’m pretty relief right now, i know what i’m worth and what i want for my child so i am pretty confidence right now, being a single mom is a difficult chore but it worth it since my son is the happiest child on earth and i feeling good with myself as well..Good Luck! Hope April can give you some advice in matter to save your marriage =D

P.S.- I made her a question too hope she can answer me asap 😉

[Anonymous]

Thats awsome advice! Thank you!

[Anonymous]

She sounds like she is up to something. I would check on my life insurance policy, etc. Contact an attorney to see about an annulment or a divorce. If I were you, I would get out of this marriage while I still can. Move out, move on, and chalk it up to a bad experience. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

[Anonymous]

more info….

after speaking with her yesturday found out this all happened due to her wanting to be with me, and because she loves me she was trying to have a relastionship with me, but she hadn’t fully adjusted from splitting with her ex was to soon, but she didnt want to miss her chance with me, and couldnt fight what she was feeling either,

hence the battle between heart and mind,

because of her mucking me about it effected me slightly in the way i acted to which wouldnt have helped.
we have both agreed it’s a case of right people, wrong time..
we both apolagised in our parts of the situation, and chatted friendly and bubbly enough.
we both said we arnt planning on dating anyone for a while as we both need to sort our heads out.
i have mentioned the door is slightly open so when we get our heads straight who knows?

so do i just not talk to her now… which gives her time to get her head straight and stops us slipping into total friendship,
do i have minimal contact, do i just be friend with her for now,

as i want there two be a chance for us, when she is ready, but at the same time i know i have to get on with my life just in case that dont happen, but at same time i dont want to do anything which provokes her into getting back with me for the wrong reason, or before she is ready..

Cheers

[Anonymous]

I think you need to relax. Is there any guilt there? fear?

Thank you for sharing your thoughts

Dr. Marcus Rose

[Anonymous]

Thank you April for the advice. And bellaluna also. The advices were both really helpful. I think I just needed the confirmation from someone. Anyway, I broke up with my girlfriend a couple of days ago and told her I needed trust and I don’t think I can ever get that with her. She was understandably really hurt. I felt horrible hurting her like that but I just know its the right thing for me. I do believe she has feelings for me so that is why this was especially tough. However, she still wants to be friends. She said she still wants to talk to me and see how I am doing. Is this a good idea? I really don’t know. I think if I continue talking to her…we might fall back into the relationship again. I know she manipulates me at times to get her way or to wiggle her way out of trouble but I don’t want her to manipulate me like that anymore. Sure I also want to talk to her but maybe I just want to talk to her because I don’t want to completely let go of her. Should I just stop talking to her completely so there’s no chance of me falling back into the relationship? Or is it harmless if I talk to her once in awhile as long as I am strict about this relationship being over for good?

Also, on the subject of me not letting go of her because I will be lonely, I think it is very true. She was my first serious relationship and is my first love. She was also the first person I have been physically intimate with. Perhaps the biggest reason why I didn’t want to let her go is because I am not that secure with myself and do not have high self esteem and to be honest, I am scared that I might not ever find someone again. On top of that, I’ve always thought she was very pretty and too good for me. She was well out of my league and I used to wonder why she was with me.

That being said, are there any good books you recommend to improve self esteem and confidence? I have read a couple but they did not help that much. Again, I greatly appreciate the advice.

Also, do you believe that once a cheater, always a cheater April? (Don’t worry, I’m not thinking about getting back with her… hehe…I just want to know if that’s a valid philosophy to go by in the future)

[Member]

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