[Anonymous]

So true April! You will be better alone. You will never be able to trust her and you don deserve it. make the leap and leave her. It will be hard for about a month or two but you will get over it. April is sooo right, you have to leave thw door open for mrs. right and if you waisiting your time w someome that lies and cheats, who wants that??? I always go w the philsophy of once a cheater, always a cheater. you need to be with someone who appreicates you and put your relationmship first! good luck.

[Anonymous]

Those feelings you have are genuine for him, he meant a lot to you and you love him. it dosent go away overnight. BUT, the problems you had with him will never go away. You need to move on and be alone and figure out what YOU really want out of a relationship. Time alone will help you, good luck, i know its hard. going through the same thing myself

[Anonymous]

Dear April,

thank you so much. Everything starts to make sense right now. I am deeply grateful for your straightforward advice.

[Anonymous]

April: You have always given such good advice and have led me in the right direction. I have a quick follow up question. Since I have broken up with my boyfriend and have had limited contact, he has been really trying to do better and try and get back together with me. Since you know some of my history, do you think it is worth another try? Given his past and his behaviors, I question it but I really do love him. What do you think honestly? Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I guess this is a prime example of the saying we learned as kids “actions speak louder than words”. Just because a guy says he loves you, misses you, and can’t wait to see you doesn’t necessarily mean its true (when at the same time he is withdrawing). What is ironic is that I had asked him point blank if there was a problem with our relationship; did his pulling back mean we were over. He said no, he would tell me if he didn’t want to be with me anymore and not to be silly.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and for your input! Today is a better day and tomorrow looks even better! 😉

[Anonymous]

I tried to act like everything was normal with her, we had a normal night and a normal morning, but on the way to the train station everything felt fake to me and i told her that we arnt ok, i need to think about things…i got on the train and cried for most of the ride because of how much i was actually hurt. So when I got off the train I had texted her and said we have to talk, and said this cannot work for me, i cant pretend like everything is ok when its not. The whole day consisted of me asking questions of her and her saying we deserve a chance, I finally came to the conclusion, going against all I believe in, to give us a chance because I think this girl is worth it. So i say that last night before we go to bed on the phone, then this morning I text her asking when we’re gonna see each other again? Then when I talk to her at her work online she said she wants to ease back into things, she needs a few days to make sure everything is ok. She’s saying she doesnt want me to flip flop…I basically had a breakdown convincing myself not to drop this girl and now shes not even accepting me accepting her? I am utterly confused, does she really not want us to happen? Is she really pushing me away and self-sabotaging the relationship? If so then why did she beg me to give us a chance all day and that she was worth it?

[Anonymous]

Thanks for ur advice. Gud news is he asked me out, and really likes me if im getting the signs right. He talks bout how he really wants to kiss me, he always starts the conversations, flirts as well. The problem is my cousin is now telling me this guy ‘might’ be a player, n i really dnt wanna get hurt. Wat shld i do?

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much. I did it. Sadly, I think I got rejected. Like I asked her over text if she would like to hangout sometime. She said yea sure.. What time? I said 5 or 7? She said cool
10 minutes later she said, actually, my dad won’t let me do anything. He said I have too many chores to do. I’m like, okay. Then I texted her later. No response, and again few minutes later. No response, Is that a nice girls way of turining down a guy? Hah man .. Sucks!

[Anonymous]

That’s the problem… he is my first boyfriend. I have never been raped or anything… He isn’t my first kiss though… when i was five in school we were in line to go to the bathroom, and the little boy behind me tapped me on the shoulder… when i turned around he kissed me… i hated him from that moment on…. but that was almost twenty years ago now…. that wouldn’t have anything to do with it would it??? I am also extremely shy… if that makes any difference…

[Anonymous]

So, he never ended up calling. I know I said I wasn’t sure if I actually wanted to talk to him when he called and that I didn’t really want to talk to him but at the same time why ask for my number and say he wanted to catch up and then not call? I get it actions speak louder then words and yeah he didn’t call. But, really he was the one that began our two second chat last week not me, and he was the one that said he wanted to call and catch up, not me and he was the one that said he’d call. I never promised any of this or started it. I just don’t get why he’d mess with my head for two seconds and then take off again?

[Anonymous]

Always to call s0meone brilliant, when they validate and telll you something that makes it okay to be selfish and think of oneself

[Anonymous]

Maybe she is trash. Obviously it was a shock to her husband, just think what the children are going through. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Why didn’t you get marriage counseling? Possibly you did. You not only made vows to your husband, which I guess didn’t mean a thing, and affected his life because of thinking of yourself, you have – possibly – damaged your children. Wait ten years and see if your NEW and exciting boyfriend looks any better. Obviously your husband loved you and your children. Of course only you can really know if you just became bored, or was your husband just a typical man? Marriage takes work. Was he a good father> If all the above are true, you will get what you deserve. Good luck with the NEW and exciting new man —

[Anonymous]

Well, I’m afraid the 2nd night didn’t go much better. In fact, if anything it was worse. I can count standing next to several hot-looking girls, who didn’t give me a 2nd glance only to be locking lips with some guy 2 minutes later. That including two that seemingly wanted to be alone, as they were dancing in an isolated corner. I can also remember some looks of disdain, a girl that danced with me then all of a sudden ignored me, another that lost interest the moment I tried to put my hands around her waist, another one pinching me and her (male) friends saying “She likes the way you dance” (probably meaning it’s amusing), etc. Another whose girlfriend said “She likes you”. Go figure why she kept her back turned to me then. To be honest, at the end of the night I felt like I had been the clown of the party. The guy that they will go back home and comment with their friends “Did you see that loser hitting on all the girls?”. Oh yeah, two others complained about my breath. I had brushed my teeth, so it might have been the tequilas I had before.

I know I tried to look confident. So they either think I’m too ugly, too clumsy, too lame, or whatever. I’ll give the book a shot when I can, but I can say my confidence is at an all-time low. And it’s especially hard when you see others getting lucky all around you.

[Anonymous]

April, first and foremost, I want to thank you for your site. I read it all the time for advice for myself and other. It is a life saver. Onto my issue….
I have decided to break up with this man. I have held strong and we haven’t seen each other in 2 weeks. I have decided that there were too many red flags and when he made the comment about my son, I don’t think I could ever get over that. My some comes first in my life and I never want to feel like my son’s behavior would inhibit a relationship. So on top of the other women he was texting and taking out, there were differences in our parenting styles in which he never shared with me.
We still continue to talk daily. It wasn’t like that at first, but lately we talk as much as before. I want to move on with my life and would still like to be friendly with him but I don’t want it to seem like I’m checking in with him so he can know what I’m doing at all times. He still wants to see me and tries to make times where we can see each other. I still love him very much so this is so hard for me.
How should I end this totally or do you think it’s going to be ok if we are friends?

[Member]

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