[Anonymous]

It is a known fact and one that took me rocky roads to learn is that many women (especially younger women) don’t understand Men. I’m 23 years old myself and in my opinion most of us in this age rim is still trying to figure out what we are actually looking for in that almost perfect guy. If you could honestly say you are doing everything right on your behalf and she still doesnt see it then keep in mine “just because she’s a great girl doesnt mean she’s the one for you.” OR if you honestly know that maybe its something that occurred in the two of you previous relationship that makes her hesistant about giving it a second chance than maybe its time to sit down and talk about it…you cant fixing a problem by starting over with the same ingredients…you will still have the same problems..Ask her this, “what is it that you are looking for in a relationship with a guy? and Then “what is it from those things that you feel I didnt Match with” and maybe go from there. There’s a saying that states, People come into your life for one of three; a reason, a season, or a lifetime….

[Anonymous]

One of the biggest mistakes women do to turn men off is “leading him to think you are insecure”. NO MAN is truly interested in a woman whose insecure or have trust issues. Men cheating isn’t as simple as a decision…the woman could actually push their man into another woman’s arms by doing and saying all the wrong things…Build up your self confidence. In as far as age…Men may find younger women physically attractive but their emotional being has nothing to do with the age of that woman. As the previous person replied do things you enjoy doing…. you as a woman does suppose to work in keeping her relationship healthy (as well as the guy)..All you have is your best and thats what you give and if at the end of the day that doesnt work, you don’t have to live with the question “Was It Me?”….I am only 23 years old and probably give better advice than I live by but I come from a family of nine brothers and a 4 year relationship myself…For me, Giving advice to others help build confidence within myself:)

[Anonymous]

One of the hardest things to do in a relationship is to LET GO…In your situation this would probably be the best time to let go (while he’s already gone!)…ANY relationship that becomes physical is not healthy and definitely life-threatening! I’m sorry to say this but he doesn’t RESPECT who you are. It appears he NEED you more than he WANTS you. Needing you to take care of him and always have your door OPEN when he’s upset at another female. He’s not ready for a commitment so in my opinion dont waste your time, energy, and emotional being into someone whom will hurt you more than help you 🙂

[Anonymous]

In my opinion…I don’t think he’s emotionally interested but maybe physically interested…Ask yourself when u go for walks..”Does he seem to be more interested in just staring at you” or does he seem excited about answering your questions or responding to your comments?” If he didnt ask for your number then thats either a definite NO or he’s in a relationship. I’m only 23 years old so I may not be accurate but I have nine brothers whom I learn from. I would say leave him be. There’s too many great guys out here to meet who will not try to belittle your occupation and whom you will never have to question his feelings for you because they would show.

[Anonymous]

AWESOME answer…you made some great points. Appreciate knowing that what I’m feeling isn’t so unusual, and the tips to help overcome my obsession. Thanks!!

[Anonymous]

Thanks…I really appreciate the answers! They both really helped! 🙂

[Anonymous]

Thank You for the quick response!

I think you are dead on with this having to do with his past. In his one and only serious relationship of sevearl years his ex was deadset on getting married and pushed the issue. When he was not quick enough to act (I guess he was willing to marry her) she walked out and was married within months of the breakup to someone else.. I know this did and still does have an affect on him.
I’m not sure how to react to that.. With that said are you suggestions for my actions still the same?

Also thanks for pointing out I am to direct I have a problem with that and I do need to work on it!

Thanks Again!

[Anonymous]

Thanks for you response. You hit it on the head when you said that she feels I’m not going to leave my lady. So she had to look at her second option which is her ex. The thing is she is telling me that she still wants to see me. Also she said that she is always thinking about me. I was thinking about calling her to talk about it but I fell that I need to fall back a few days to see if she will call me.

[Anonymous]

Dear, loveconfused

Ill probably never read your response because i am kinda looking for my own answers. But well truthfully i am the male in your situation. (Not literally but i feel like it)What you are going through has definitely been noticed by your bf. He Loves you and well it sounds like he has grown up a lot since you two met and you have changed for the better together. I don’t know but it also kinda sounds like you have less relationship experience then him and feel like you want to get out and explore the dating scene.(Just a Guess?) That is normal but you should know deep down if he is right or wrong for you and if you let him go he could be gone forever. And always remember new relationships are fun for awhile but you will find yourself in the same predicament with the new guy eventually. If this new guy is more than a crush you have to let your bf go you are hurting him so much more by giving him this false sense of hope, emotional cheating is cheating. —About me—- I just wish i could find out whats going on and the more she pulls away but tells me she loves me the more its killing me inside. —– Just don’t be selfish please if you care about him but feel like its really not working out let him go as soon as possible v-days coming and its just not right and extremely selfish to keep him hanging on .whatever you do don’t jump into another relationship right away give yourself some time to heal. If you jump into another relationship that will cause your (x-bf) serious emotional scars.Do it for him let him, he will be hurt but he will heal and again please don’t blame it on him, tell him you just want to see the world and find what you really want out of life. I hope my blabbering helped, Good luck and best of wishes!

[Anonymous]

thanks april. i appreciate your insight on this, most likely a-typical situation.

i think i’m just a little thrown off because when he wants to get together, aside from the lone 2 am text, he gets in touch with me a couple days ahead and we’ll make plans in advance like normal people. like last weekend he suggested we grab sushi this weekend and that he’d get in touch with me later on this week. i don’t get why he’d go to that kind of trouble if he’s just interested in hooking up. although it probably doesn’t mean much and i’m just trying to justify it in my head.

and not to sound hopeful or pathetic, but generally speaking, do casual relationships ever evolve into something else — friendship, relationship, etc? not necessarily related to this particular situation, i’m just curious in general, although i’m assuming it’s not that often.

thanks again!

[Anonymous]

wow your advice really helps me!! and me and him are wokring on it. 😀 so far so good and i’m going to stick with what you say. because it is soo true that we all just need to adjust to the situation. thanks again!

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much for your advice April.
After this long, i notice his needs are to have freedom to do whatever he likes. he also often reminds me to always keeps telling him what I want from him and if he does something that bother me, he wants us to discuss it and not just have a silence acts. I remember we fought twice over small matters and what upset him the most wasn’t the problems but the fact that i didn’t tell him what I wanted him to do for me.

April, when you said i have to start flirting again with him, can you give me little tips of how to start to do it? because i find myself already seldom seeing him. Do i have to start lowering down the number of answering his phone as well and let him pays food? Hmm.. Help me here..

Thanks April.

[Anonymous]

Dear April,

We have set up a time this weekend to sit down and talk. I chose a park that is close to the house. When I asked her if we could get together and talk the first thing she said was why and then I explained that there are just somethings that I would like to talk about and I left it at that.

Later that night all the sudden she is very cuddly and wanting to be huggy, and kissy and when I went to take a shower she wanted to help me wash my hair.

This is what I was talking about very hot and cold emotionally with her. I don’t get it, my heart is telling me that she is trying to cover up what she did and hope that if she keeps me happy enough that I won’t ask too many questions. But I have to ask the questions, it is already wearing on me emotionally and I just need to know what is going on.

I will let you know how the talk went but my gut is telling me that she is just trying to sugar coat me and make me happy now so when I know the truth that I will forgive her.

[Anonymous]

[quote=”April Masini”] If you resolve your marriage, an upset with a roommate won’t hurt you as much as this one seems to be.

I hope that helps.[/quote]

Yes, I guess this is at the heart of the problem.

I went into her room without asking. When she asked me I admitted it. She asked why.

Earlier that day I had purchased her christmas present. I met a buddy of mine for a beer, and had a few more when I got home. She was out at a social part with some friends. After hiding the present, I got curious and went in her room.
When asked why, I told her that I was curious, and also told her that I had some feelings for her. While I do like her, I was not interested in persuing her. I really liked the frinedship.

Earlier in the year we sorta had a heart to heart where she explained to me the she had to be careful of ‘putting all of her [emotional] eggs in one basket’. She we telling me she didn’t want to get too close because some day I would move out. There were some tears. She has made it clear during the whole time she has known me that she is a one man woman and cannot even consider dating someone while entertaining someone else.
My stay is temporary and related to work.

I do not know if she had any feelings for me in the past, but her reaction right now is something I don’t quite undestand. It seems extreemly intense.

The dynamics of my marraige and how it may relate to this friendship I’m sure is complex, interesting, and perhaps dangerous. You advice is Good. Perhaps my roommate would like a clearer picture of where I really stand with my marraige before proceeding (or not) with continued friendship.

I sure would like to open some communication with her, but she does not seem to be ready for this yet.

I’d like to say I’d be happy to continue the status quo as it was, but subconciously perhaps I forced the issue with this event inorder to resolve my marraige issues one way or the other.

I dunno, I’m just so tired of feeling intense hurt.
Even though both my wife and I are seeking therapy, I struggle with this.
I sincerly hope my roommate is OK.

[Anonymous]

fortunetly, we all live on our own. He owns his own house and is 22 years old. She lives down south in Carbondale where she attends school (she is 21), and i have my own apartment in the city where i attend school as well (i’m 21). This “crush” or “puppy love” has been going on for about three years between me and her brother. I always tried my hardest to ignore it but lately we have been seeing eachother 3-4 times a week. Hopefully, she wil understand and tonight her and I are going to have a long talk. Hopefully all works out for the better! thanks for your help! 😀

[Member]

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