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April Masini.
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January 11, 2010 at 11:13 am #1814
relationshipa1
Keymasterwe had been living together for 8 months and everything was going great we got a dog had a nice place and loved coming home to eachother every night. we were both quick to be jelious although we hardly fight. i took him on a vacation for his birthday and my friend wanted to come so she did we all got along great but after 3 or 4 days i got sick of how well they got along and i turned sour. we got back and i apologized and explained why i was rude and he said he understood. it was all good again until i got way too drunk one night and was very rude to him, he does not diserve that and he knew it so i moved out the next morning. 3 weeks later we met up to talk and had decided to be friends and work on ourselves i was really happy with that and thought some space would be best. we hung out for like 2 hours and had a great time. we were calling eachother days after and the friendship was going well until i again got drunk and sent him a text basically saying i could never be with another guy and i dont want to be out of line, i know you want to be friends but what do you think of friends with benefits. im sure getting that text made him feel like a tool when he was hurting too so i apologized and passed out early at a party because i felt bad. he took that text as i was drunk and needed to get laid so i was with guys i might fuck. so he crushed bottle of rye and at 3 in the morning i got a call about how he knows he dumped me but i broke his heart. i felt awful. the next afternoon i got a call from a old friend and she started asking if we were still dating and i asked what happened to make her concerned, she saw him at a club the night before all over some other girl and i guess they kissed. so that heart broken call was after he was all over somone else. i texted him saying its sad that i broke his heart for wanting to be with the man i love when im drunk but you go to a skanky bar and kiss another girl, and im at fault. he turned it around saying he was so pissed off at what i said he got drunk to not think about it and he went over the edge, he said if i didnt send the text in the first place it all could of been avoided and i wouldnt of said that to somone i love. i explained that i only said that because i wanted to be with him, and even tho we are over i could never let another guy touch me bacause it would be cheating on my heart. my botyfriend was always a nice guy, always took care of me and made it known he loved me from the beginning. he has not written back and im really trying hard not to text or call him and give him space to think it over. but i really want to know what hes thinking and feeling in all this. hes my best friend and we always talk about that kind of stuff and i just want to know whats going on now. what do i do to help the situation, i just want to be friends again. and how much space do i give him before i ask what hes thinking. all of our stuff is still at the apartment and we need to work all that out too. i just dont know what to do but i honestly love him so much he was a really really great guy, and i know we have hurt eachother but i know he loves me too. what should i do
January 12, 2010 at 2:50 pm #12492April Masini
KeymasterFirst of all, you need to consider how much alcohol played a part in the dilemma you find yourself in now. It really seems like getting drunk has been a problem for you because your behavior when you drink too much ends up hurting you. So consider not drinking or limiting the amount of alcohol you drink to one or two drinks a night when you are drinking, and that’s it. That’s got to be your first step because no matter what advice I give you, if you drink and act impulsively, you’re going to continue to sabotage yourself. Second, you have to understand that if you break up with someone they are free to date whomever and whenever. It’s wrong for you to blame your ex-boyfriend for being with someone in a bar or elsewhere regardless of what YOU feel for him. So if you’re broken up, don’t comment on his dating life. It’s none of your business.
🙁 Third, it seems like you need to work on impulse control. While the two of you may have had eight months of a really nice relationship, you made some mistakes that if you’d put some thought into them first, you might not have made. For instance, it was a mistake for you to bring a third party on a birthday present vacation with you and your boyfriend. That’s a recipe for trouble — and it’s just what you got.
😮 It also seems that your breaking up with him and moving out was impulsive and probably a mistake. Your jealousy over your boyfriend getting along so well with the friend you invited on vacation with the two of you was something that should have been worked out within the relationship — it shouldn’t have been the lynchpin that broke up the relationship.And lastly, your needing to know what he thinks is really a disguised version of your wanting him to want you back. If he truly tells you what he’s thinking, I bet you’ll use anything you don’t like hearing to start an argument with him, and that’s not productive if what you want to do is be with him again — either as friends or as a girlfriend.
If you can be honest with yourself, I think you’ll realize that you don’t really want to be just friends with him, or even friends with benefits. You want he whole enchilada: to be a couple again. And if that’s what you want, then you have to change your behavior as advised, above. You also have to back off and let him come to you while at the same time, being your best self. You’ve already made it clear to him that you want him back. Now see if he wants you too — not by badgering him with texts, e-mails, phone calls and visits — but by waiting and watching to see if he shows you he wants you back.
I know this won’t be easy for you, but it’s the best way to proceed given what’s happened.
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