[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think that you have to be practical. You’re both teenagers and you live in different states — and he’s dating someone who lives near him now. The cards are stacked against you. 😳 It’s really difficult to date someone in a different state when you don’t have a job and resources to travel and see each other regularly. So for that reason alone, I’d suggest you find someone local to date. You’ll be a lot happier and healthier if you can do that, instead of trying to put yourself into a situation that lends itself to drama in the best of circumstances. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The approach you want to take is not going to win her over. 😕 For starters, it’s all about you — and not about her. If you want to win someone over you should make them feel special and valued. If she’s stressed, send her flowers. Invite her to dinner. Do something nice for her. Make dating you something she wants to do — not something that’s stressful to think about! 😉 Try to be more positive, easy going, fun and alluring so you can win her over, not push her away. She’s giving you mixed signals because she’s not sure she wants to date you. Take this seriously and dial up your game! Loosen up on your “requirements” and make all your contact with her about making her feel good and winning her over.

Dating shouldn’t be this stressful — especially this early in the game. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think you should move on — I think you should ask her out! 😉 Just because she didn’t open your Snapchat doesn’t mean she’s not interested in you. Be a little more persistent. 😎 Invite her to have coffee or see a movie and if she says yes, you’ll know she’s interested. If she says no, [i]then[/i] you can move on. But don’t give up so easily — before you’ve even given it a shot! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think she’s being very clear that she’s done and she’s moving on. She’s also telling you that none of us knows what the future holds — but for now, this is over. I’m sorry you’re disappointed. Rejection stings. But like many others who don’t want it to be over, you’re grasping at straws to try to convince yourself that it’s not over. So, even though she may have once said you felt like soulmates, and you may have had some wonderful times together, she’s done. Those moments are in the past.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He didn’t really disappear — he just went back to the status quo. 😳 If a guy wants to date you, you’ll know because he’ll ask you out, take you out, and show you a good time. Since you initiated the coffee date, you didn’t get the benefit of knowing he wanted to date you by waiting to see if he’d ask you out. And when he turned down coffee — but invited you to his room — it was an easy way for him to hang out without making any kind of commitment. I can’t tell from your post if the two of you had sex or not, but it sounds like although you had a nice time together, it wasn’t nice enough for him to want to take the lead and date you. 😕

This may change, but for now, I think you should flirt with him when you see him, but let him be the one to take the lead so you’re not confused or disappointed. 😉 And play the field so you’re not overly focused on someone you want to ask you out, but isn’t. It’s like watching water boil — but more disappointing. 😕

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re 24 years old in a four year relationship — feelings ebb and flow. Sometimes they even fade away. You’ve got a lot of factors you’re considering as catalysts for the fading feelings, like your depression, ADHD and the fact that this is a long distance relationship. But in any circumstance, at your age, you may be wondering what else is out there for you after a four year commitment — not every 24 year old guy is ready for the long-term. Feelings fade and not everyone is ready for the same commitment at the same time. What you’re going through is normal, even though you describe it as a crisis.

The hard part is that nobody has done anything wrong. It’s easy to leave a relationship when there’s been cheating, abuse or constant bickering. That type of relationship ending feels justified. But since you’re both good people and your biggest problem is feelings fading, you may feel guilty and wonder if you’re throwing something away that you shouldn’t. And yet… you’re looking online at dating sites to see what’s out there. It’s a tough balance. Please know that even 30, 40 and 50 year olds in long-term marriages also feel the way you do — not sure if it’s better to stay or go. You’re not alone!

My advice is to be as upfront as you have been with your girlfriend and let her know you want to play the field. Appreciate her suggestion that the depression is causing your stress, but explain that you can’t ignore what you feel and you owe it to both of you to not stay in a dating relationship where you’re not all in, especially after four years. If she isn’t open to your [i]both[/i] playing the field — which is a suggestion I only make because of the long distance — then I think you have to move on. I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How long have the two of you been together?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, why convince yourself that a grown up isn’t dating you because his parents “won’t let him”? 😯 Instead, be more honest with [i]yourself[/i]. 😉 He’s not dating you because he prefers his parents approval over his desire to be with you. 😳 It’s painful to hear that, so you’re creating drama to avoid this reality. As you can see, it’s not productive for you to stay in touch as “best friends” under these circumstances. He’s chosen his parents over you and he’s made that clear. While it’s disappointing, it’s best that you accept what he’s showing you with his actions, and move on. 😉

Next, I’m sure you know that it’s always a little risky to have sex with a roommate, but you took that risk, and that’s okay. What’s not okay is your self-deception. Saying that you can’t break up with your roommate because you live with him is just not true. 🙄 Of course you can break up with him! 🙂 Just tell him you’re not interested in dating him or sleeping with him any more. Say it nicely. These things happen in life. It’s normal.

I think that once you start recognizing your own part in these dramas, you’ll be able to make changes and find happier, healthier relationships. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You need to find a way to move on. Forget the gifts. It’s been a year since the break up. Don’t worry about them. You’re trying to use them to convince yourself that a relationship is still viable. It isn’t. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you need a strong nude in the right direction. 🙂

Moving on can be difficult, but you have to give it your best shot and use discipline as well as emotional processing to be successful. For instance, balance keeping busy and dating other people with understanding that you only dated for four months and that’s the amount of time people use to decide if they want to continue dating each other or not, and his wanting to move on during that time period is very normal. When you date someone you should always understand that just because you’re crazy about them doesn’t mean they feel the same way, and you have to adjust your expectations accordingly. This is all a learning experience and you can use it to date smart, this next time around. But do move on. It’s been a year since the break up after a four month dating relationship. It’s time. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You have a blended family with 5 kids — ages 12, 9 and 9, 3 and 2, and a seven-year marriage that seems to be crumbling because your wife is unhappy. It doesn’t sound like her affair is true love. It sounds more like either a cry for help, or an escape valve because she feels trapped. Blended families are very tough because there are so many relationship dynamics at play simultaneously. In addition, having the two toddlers who are probably not yet in school, mean that there’s a lot of parental and familial responsibility going on.

It’s very easy to point fingers here, but it’s not productive. You need to roll up your sleeves and focus on what’s really happening with her and the marriage and the family. Rarely does behavior like hers happen in a vacuum. So, find out where the marriage isn’t working and decide what you and the two of you can and want to do to make changes. You haven’t really talked about why she wants to leave and what her life is like, so I’m having to guess. But that’s not nearly as good as you being brutally honest about whether she’s someone who never commits long-term, or the two of you have grown apart, or she’s exhausted from being a primary caregiver to all the kids — I’m not sure, so feel free to fill me in. Better, fill yourself and her in, so you can alleviate some of the issues in the marriage that are causing you both duress.

If, however, she’s dead set on leaving, or you become dead set on throwing in the towel, then the fact that it takes two to make a relationship work, and one to end it, will come into play.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since he is the one who broke up with you, and the reason he gave is that he isn’t happy and isn’t sure how to be happy, I think you should move on. This isn’t a break up that has to do with you. It’s about his not being able to be in a relationship right now because he’s in a place in his life where he’s okay. You have to be healthy, yourself, before you can be healthy with someone else. 😉

I agree with you that it’s wrong to try to be friends with an ex. This just makes it way harder to move on, and there’s always that romantic and sexual tension underlying any other relationship dynamic that makes true friendship impossible. So, trust your gut. Be sad that it’s over, but be mature in understanding why and that moving on is what’s best for you.

I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It doesn’t sound like your date is the problem. It sounds like your friend is stirring the pot and making you anxious. 😕 Why not take her “wisdom” with a grain of salt and focus on the relationship you have with your date, instead of your friend. 😉 Whether or not your kiss your date is really between you and your date. So, relax — if you can! 😉 Enjoy getting to know this date, and see how you feel day by day, moment to moment — and take the date’s cues, not your friend’s.

I hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Interesting.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t know what your question is — but it sounds like you just want to vent about your disappointment. 😳

I’m sorry you’re unhappy.

Your boyfriend of one year is married and doesn’t want to get divorced. 😕 You’re staying with him under these circumstances, hoping he’ll change. 🙄 So, let’s talk about you — and how to make you happy. 😉 If you want a boyfriend who is legally single and available to marry you, why not find one instead of staying with one who is married and wants to be. It’s important to know what [i]you[/i] want and what your deal breakers are in [u]any[/u] dating situation and if you don’t want to date someone who’s married, then you shouldn’t. Since he told you 2-3 months into the relationship, your option was to stay or go…. and you stayed. That was probably your basic mistake. When a guy shows you who he is, and you don’t believe him or you decide you’ll change him, you’re going to be unhappy. Now that you’re looking at him to change instead of at yourself, you’re frustrated. Turn your gaze inward, not outward. Ball’s in your court. He’s clear — you’re not. If you want to stay with him, then you have to accept that he’s going to remain married to someone else. If you want someone legally single, he’s not your guy.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If a guy wants to date you, he’ll ask you out on a date. It’s that simple! 😉 He’s flirting with you because he likes you, and he may be trying to gauge your interest. But if he decides at some point that he does want to ask you out, I guarantee you’ll know it because he’ll invite you to coffee, dinner or some other typical date. Relax. Enjoy. And don’t worry or be confused. When he asks you out, you’ll know that he wants to date you. Until then, it’s just office flirting. 😎

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