[April Masini, your AskApril]

You can’t. 😳

Friends don’t have sexual or romantic feelings for each other, and if one of you does, it’s not a friendship any more. That’s for you to understand — not her. 😉 Sex changes relationships — but so, too, does simply having sexual feelings about someone. She may have been a ten year friend, but the relationship has now changed. Expect her to become jealous if you bring around a date or talk about someone you’re crushing on or interested in. Don’t expect her to give you honest answers when these situations arise, because she may be holding out hope that the two of you wind up together, and any thumbs up she’d give another woman you’re interested in, will sabotage her own chances with you.

I know it’s sad to lose a friend, but the reality is that most relationships do change, and you can still see her, but you have to see her differently now.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m glad you asked!

If something isn’t working for you, then you should change your pattern of behavior. In other words, if clubs and bars aren’t producing a good “yield” of dates, then change your destinations. Try coffee shops. Or malls. Or volunteer work. Or the gym. The basic goal you should have is to get the conversation going with attractive women. The best way to do this is to relinquish any “lines” that aren’t working and instead, ask a question. “Is that frappucino better than plain old coffee?” Or… “Does this color sweater I want to buy look good on me?” “How do you cook these eggplants? I’ve never known!” These are just some things you can ask women to see if they’ll take the bait. When they do, up your game by complimenting them. “Thank you — you’ve got a great eye!” And keep the conversation going.

I hope that helps. Let me know if you need any more tips.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s not interested in a relationship beyond casual sex. He’s made this very clear to you. If you want a committed, monogamous relationship, then you should look elsewhere. But don’t make yourself crazy by trying to chase him down and make him change his mind. It won’t work. 😳 And you’ll get hurt in the long run. 😕

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you’ve broken up, why are you trying to make her feel comfortable again? A break up means going your own separate ways. 😉 If you did break up, then you should move on. You’ll be much happier and she can get on with her own life. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it.

You were dating for 3 months, when you found out that she told her mother that you dictate her life, so you asked to end the relationship. And she did. 😕 It sounds like you were very reactive. Another way to have handled the situation might have been to ask her if that’s how she really feels and see if there might be any way you could have changed your behavior to make her happy, without compromising your values. Ending the relationship because you think she misinterpreted something, talked to her mom, and you found out, is kind of dramatic. 🙄 It didn’t need to be.

But since you want out of the relationship, there is nothing else to be done. You’re out. But if you want her not to hate you, then you’re looking to control her feelings. 😕 And…. that’s a form of what she was complaining to her mother about, so I’d try to find a way to be okay with her having her own feelings, especially since the two of you are broken up.

If you move on, you’re going to feel a lot better. 😉 And…. you won’t worry so much about what your ex thinks.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I can’t tell from what little you’ve written. Fill me in! How old are you both? How long have you been dating? How often do you see each other in person? When was the last time you were together in person? Did you meet online or in person?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You know, he may be projecting. In other words, he may be the one who doesn’t want to be without a date while you’re in Cuba. And he may want the freedom to date other people while you’re away, so he’s blaming you for possibly cheating on him when he’s the one who’s contemplating cheating. 😕 Either way, he’s wanting a break up — because he thinks you’ll cheat or he wants to cheat. Both situations don’t seem to be ones he can manage, so I think you have to accept that this is who he is. If he is really worried about you cheating, then this issue is probably going to get worse with time. And if he’s the one who doesn’t want to be without the girlfriend so he can cheat while you’re away, he’s not ready for a commitment with you.

Your choice is to allow for the break up and see what’s between you when you return, or to allow for the break up and move on. Or…. you can play it out and see if he changes his mind.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like our misunderstanding was over the sentence you wrote: [i][b]Then went to a restaurant. There, got into a conversation that triggered him greatly. Called for the check and left the restaurant. Had other plans but he drove me home and said good night. I was upset but he did not comfort me. [/b][/i] It sounded like he had other plans but drove you home anyway. I think that you meant that the two of you had subsequent Saturday night date plans, but that he cut the date short. Regardless….. this doesn’t sound like a good investment of your time. You’re in your 40s and you’ve been dating him for about 5 months now. My advice is to move on. If you decide not to, I think that you can try and work on your own issues in the relationship — being truthful and using boundaries — but that his underlying anger that creates triggers and arguments and truncating dates, will still be a problem and ultimately, a deal breaker.

I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. Gaining weight, drinking a lot, losing confidence and becoming moody are all downers for any romance. That you understand that you didn’t treat her like a good boyfriend is everything. The breakup didn’t happen in a second, and she didn’t throw it all away in a flash. She didn’t like who she was dating any more, and I think you understand what it was that you did — and how you can do better next time, whether it’s with her or someone else. 😉 It’s wonderful that you realize all this, and now, you just have to walk the walk because you’re talking the talk. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think the advice I gave you before is what you should follow. This problem isn’t really about your ex-girlfriend. It’s about your self esteem. No matter what you do with her, if you don’t take care of the underlying issues that caused you to sabotage the relationship, it doesn’t matter who you’re dating, the problem will crop up again. 😕 Focus on you for now, and get better. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

What did he do that he could have been imprisoned for 50 years?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

She may be smart, funny and beautiful — but she’s not very nice. 😕 You’ve been doing a lot for her, and she’s been disrespectful and not very gracious. You can do better. Next! 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Fill me in a little more — why is he in jail? What, specifically, did he do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re 18 years old. It’s a time in your life when a lot is possible! It sounds like your boyfriend of several years is transferring colleges to be near you, and this is a commitment. It also sounds like he made the decision without involving you. In other words, it was unilateral and you were told about it, but not consulted first. In the meantime, you’ve met someone else and you’re dating this new guy, too. It’s hard to not imagine that some part of you, deep down, is dating this new guy just as your boyfriend of several years, is moving to be near you to sabotage or act out on your feelings about the move. 😕 Ask yourself if there’s any truth to your avoiding commitment with this long-time boyfriend by dating this new guy. You may not even realize you’re doing this — but now is the time to dig deep and figure out your true motive. This isn’t going to be easy no matter what you do — so remember that, but the reason is because you’re young and looking to see what life has to offer. I think that the commitment the boyfriend initiated by moving to be close to you, scared you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If this is a life and death emergency, please call 911 and get help. This is a relationship advice site — not a site that handles life and death emergencies. Please call the police or a local hospital.

[Member]

Posts