[Anonymous]

i thought bout that as well but im not allowed to wear a necklace either, so to stop the arguing i told him i would draw it on my finger haha it was kinda silly

[Anonymous]

Honestly I was surprised with her answer last night.
I asked pretty much all my fris,showed them the texts and everything else. They all said that she wants to get back or that sounded like at least. She was spending more time with me and texting me more than her boyfriend himself.

Tonight I supposed to meet her at school while she’s working on some assignment,to give her shoes back that she forgot here last Friday,I told her that I was upset last night and overreacted. I said that I needed to ask her a couple things ( ask about the whole Friday night thing at the bars,if she just wanted to be friends this whole time, and if I’m doing the right thing about stop talking to her),although I don’t think I will ask her those things.

Unfortunately, the university and the town are small so I will be seeing her often,besides that we are in one class together.

What you guys said about she having no clue about what she wants makes sense,the Friday where she almost came over shows that.She remembered that the next morning, and told me she was going to tell her boyfriends she was just coming over (I live on campus)to a party,and she said she was confused.After telling her that I’m confused and still have feeling for her,she still wanted to hang out and everything else.

Talking to her and hanging with her,unfortunately makes me happy. And I’d feel like I’m being her back up plan in case things don’t work with the boyfriend. I don’t see any other explanation for all those things she’s been doing.

[Anonymous]

A lot of stuff happened since last post.

I was doing Norma said, the result was she was texting me constantly, by the time she was awake until the time that she goes to bed.
Last Friday I went to a bar with a friend,she was at a bar right besides the one I was, she kept texting me to go there,that i wouldn’t regret it and everything, then all the sudden she asked if I still think about me and her, i replied yes, and she asked how so,then I asked what she means ,she said never mind, and I didn’t care, later that night I ended up going to the bar that she was, but was too late she left the bar,I was somewhat drunk and she was eating somewhere, I was mad we had a little fight over the phone, then she starts asking if she could come over, just her,I kept waiting and her friends probably didn’t let her because they are friends with her boyfriend, she called me a few min later apologizing and everything. during the whole last week, she keep saying she wanted to hang out, there was more flirting ,she constantly texting me again, for 3 days she invited to go ‘chill’ with her,and I did. Was enjoyable and it was just me and her. 3 days ago she asked if she could come drink with me, she came by herself, I ended up drinking way to much and blacked out. Although the next morning I told her we needed to talk,she came here before work . I told her that I was confused, I didn’t know why are we hanging out and talking so much, I thought we would be ignoring each other, That I don’t know what that whole Friday was about ( the bar one), that since that I’ve confused, I feel like I’m falling for her again. And that I can’t be only friends with her, seeing her with the boyfriends just kills me. She just said she’s confused,it’s complicated and everything,as I was leaving the car she said to text her that she might be able to hangout later tonight, nothing happened. Yesterday she texted me at 9am, to go hangout with her in school, was fun,we had a good time. I didn’t expect she would still talk to me after that talk. I text her late night telling her I was confused and everything and asked if she still have feelings for me or if she’s just trying to be friends, and her answer was ‘ I love my boyfriend’ ,so I told her that we should stop talking and hanging out,because I needed to forget about her for good now, she only said ok.
I ended up deleting her from everything to try to forget her for good.

So by the end was I actually being played or whatever ?

[Anonymous]

I see what you are saying but that is where my confusion lies as well. Because, every relationship is going to have its ups and downs, no one is perfect, so is what you are saying really bad? He isnt perfect, I dont expect him to be. Is this not a normal relationship?

[Anonymous]

Hi April,

I just realize from my laboratory friend that she already has a boyfriend and her birthday is on 20th September. Not that she tells me about it, but from facebook.

So, i would like to know should i proceed to ask her for a date or not ?

Am i right to say that usually the answer is a default “no” by the girl if i ask her out for a date ?

Should i proceed to ask to just build up my confidence or should i abandon totally ?

I would appreciate everyone’s opinion here.

Thank you for your advice and hope that you can help me.

[quote=”April Masini”]It sounds like you’ve met a nice woman you want to date, but you’re afraid. I can help you with this, but you have to take my advice and execute it! It won’t work otherwise. 😉

First of all, your fear of rejection is understandable. Everyone has it. However, if you value your fear more than a possible relationship you’re never going to have one. Every man who asks a woman out on a date faces fear of rejection. Nobody dies of it. Nobody even gets sick from it. You WILL be rejected at many times in your life, and you need to understand that rejection is a clue that you’ve either asked the wrong woman out, or that you’ve done something that needs an adjustment. If you never get rejected you’re never going to develop as a man who dates women with any kind of success, so understand the dynamics and then face your fear and conquer it. 🙂

Second of all, you should NOT tell her how you feel about her. What you should do is ask her out on a date. That will telegraph your feelings and show her you’re interested and confident enough to take this risk. Women love confidence in men, and by asking her on a date, you’re showing her you have it. Whether or not you feel anxious, behaving confidently is a great start towards gaining organic confidence.

Third, in order to learn about what women want and how to get the one you want, you should download and read the book I’ve written for men just like you called Date Out of Your League. Here’s the link where you can purchase ($14.95), download automatically and read the book: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. Buy it and read it this weekend. It will help you A LOT.

I hope that helps. Let me know what you think after you read the book, and if you have any more questions, please feel free to let me know what they are. We are all rooting for you, here! 🙂

Join me on Facebook, too. The link for AskApril.com on Facebook is here: [url][/url].[/quote]

[Anonymous]

Thanks April for your kind advice.

I’m going to ask her out for a date next week and see what reponses would i get from her.

A date ? Do you mean asking her out for dinner ? Is that what you mean ?

Many thanks for your advice.

henrytaube.

[Anonymous]

So last night I was talking with my boyfriend, and he was very stressed out. I told him I would call him on the way home, when I walked home from work. I got off at nine, but its a new job so my boss had to keep me a little later to show me things, then my grandpa randomly showed up to drive me home, so I grabbed my stuff and I figured, its only like five mins away driving, I can just call him when I get home. So the second I walked into the door I called him. I apologized for not being able to talk right at nine and I told him about my boss and about my grandpa coming to pick me up. He got really frustrated with me, and he told me that I should have texted him when I got in the car to tell him that I was going to call when I got home. I explained to him that work was only a five min drive from home, so I figured there would really be no point in texting him once and then calling him five mins later. I really didnt think it was that big of a deal. But he drilled and drilled me for it for about thirty mins. He then made me promise that I would text him next time that happened.

Then he started nit picking things about my friend, he had logged onto my facebook and looked at my messages. He said it was an accident, but how can you accidentally click on messages, then page two, then that particular message? I want to believe him, but it seems like a stretch. Anyways, I forgave him for that. But in the message I had told my friend that my boyfriend asked me to marry him (because he did) and my friend reacted very negatively and said you better not! He then expressed how he thought my boyfriend was manipulative and controlling. I got upset and told him it was my choice, and that he didnt know my boyfriend so he shouldnt say such things. But I thanked him for his concern.

So my boyfriend reads all of this then he sends me a message telling me that him and I need to talk, right now. Because this, was not, ok. At all. So I called him, and he proceeded to get upset about this, and I told him it wansnt my fault what my friend felt, and he told me to send my friend a message telling him all the ways that I messed up in the relationship and how my bf really is wonderful (which he is, it just gets hard when he acts like this) and beg him to add him and get to know him. So I did that. My friend said that my by had one more chance and that he better not F it up. My bf made me repeat that to him word for word, so i did but I didnt tell him the rest of the message because I dont like the way he treats me when he gets upset. He asked if there was more and I said no. And then he got all upset that I didnt defend him at all after my friend said that, then he ordered me to send my friend a message defending him. Then he asked again if there was anything, and I felt bad about lying to him so I said there was but I was not comfortable with telling him. Then he got upset, and said, im sorry that you dont feel like you can trust me, and then I felt really bad and emotionally closed down and shut him out.

I asked him if I could go to bed, he said not yet. He kept me on the phone for another hour or so. By the end of the conversation he realized that he was overreacting, he said sorry for it, and he said he thinks he does it as a way to defend himself, and I need to be stronger, and more stubborn so that I dont let his words affect me and so that I can tell him when he is doing it.

Did I overreact to this situation? Am I the one creating these problems by not being able to be strong enough to not let his words and his anger affect me? Is that fair of him to ask? Would doing these things really work? Or this relationship too messed up to try and fight through? He gets this way when he is stressed out, or upset about something (even if it doesnt have to do with me) he lets it out on me. He is getting better at realizing it and saying sorry for it. But with the phone thing, he asked me to say sorry to him for not texting him when I got in the car, is this reasonable? Should I have texted him? I just dont know anymore.. was it/is it me? I know its both of us, but everything seems so blurred.

I am so sorry that this is so long 😕

[Anonymous]

We talked today? 🙂 the topic wasn’t all that good though,I’m being stalked by a guy at my gym ( where the guy I like works as a personal trainer ) for a while now ,I told him,he was sitting on his chair I was standing next to him kinda close ,but he again did not look at me in my eyes ( he usually avoids it ) ,he kept his head low,his body kind of leaned forward, and listened, chuckling at some parts ,occasionally nodding slowly,and I hugged him at the end of the talk ( a gentle soft hug not a strangling one ) and at first he kept his head low ,but then he put his hand on my waist and kept it there 🙂

why the lowered head though? his eyes were also looking down but he did lift his gaze and looked at me twice while I talked. even when I hugged him at first he didn’t move just kind of gave a little smile and then put his hand on me.

[Anonymous]

He said that he don’t want to just take a break cause it would be stringing me along. and that’s something he don’t wanna do cause he don’t know how long it will take. But he feels strongly that we will go out again, but when he is over and don’t with all of this. And he knows that i may not be there when that happens. I don’t want to date anyone right now, just take a break from guys, but would it be wise if he wants to get back together in say.. a month or 2, to go back with him? we had really good chemistry and his family love me and my family loved him.

And why am i so fine with this? usually i completely fall apart, cry, hate the guy… but this time… i just feel like i understand and i’m not mad or anything.

[Anonymous]

thanks,,i’m actually a woman..and she was my partner. I just feel like she is loaded with excuses..like she went to aa but everyone is too religious there, her therapists didn’t work, and she has said she won’t do rehab. i suppose me letting her be was the right thing. i started enabling her b/c i love her so much and wanted to protect and help her but i realized i was making things worse. i never even knew an alcoholic let alone dated one..i thought love would save the day but it won’t.
should i keep in touch with her or not talk to her to see if that sparks her to want to get help? another thing is, she drives on a suspended license to grocery store etc but when i talk about her getting help..she say…oh that s not fair, i can t drive to get there
!! she picks and chooses where she drives!!!! ughhhhh
and to think, i was thinking of having her move by me or move to a new state with her..hmm

[Anonymous]

Wow – I can feel the heat. 😉 I know how much you want to pour out your heart to this guy and say – take me know! control yourself and enjoy the passion. This feeling will not last long. Enjoy it – the wait will be worth it., 😉 Enjoy his company, become his confident and when the time is right to seal it with intimacy you will know. Do not let him use you as the passion will quickly wear away – let him sweat – it will pay off believe me. 😀

[Anonymous]

From what you have written – this guy does like you. 🙂 He is showing all the right body language. Guys do not always like loud upfront girls. They seem to be drawn to the more mysterious types.

He has made it obvious to you. Maybe he is a little shy about his feelings. Make it easier for him. Next time when he stares at you smile and then look away and look back at him again. This will show that you are interested. Try and build up courage to say hello or even start a conversation about something. e.g. How long have you been working here?

See where it goes from there. Keep us updated and join April on Facebook. 😆

[Anonymous]

Why we broke up is cause when he went back home he found out a bunch of things. Like his friend recently passes away. His family pretty much split in half due to something someone said. His mom lost her job and needed help supporting herself. And some other things. So we didnt end it on bad terms. It just wasn’t a good time.

[Anonymous]

My friends also said she’s acting weird, she’s now texting me everyday,trying to make conversation, in the mornings she tells me about her classes,she’s even excited to tell my roommate that me and her are ‘good’ now,she brings up a couple things when we were together,she’s being flirtatious by texts.

I still do have feelings for her and ‘kind’ want to get back with her,but as you both said doesn’t seen like she knows what she wants or even what she’s doing,because it doesn’t make any sense.

[Anonymous]

I know what you’re going to think when I tell you we’re both in our 40″s. I should know better. Yes, we’ve spent time together and even though it was absolutely wonderful, I don’t know if I’d consider it a date. Evidently, he has been terribly hurt in his past. He’s told me only a little bit of it and it wasn’t good. I can also say that I have been hurt much worse than him which he knows all about. For some reason, I’m willing to pick myself up and try again with him if that’s what meant to be. Is it true that women are stronger than men with these things? Or are we dumber because we pick ourselves up faster? I see him as being extremely cautious with people in general. And I mean cautious. Here’s another reason why I’m confused. He consistantly brings up my past relationships reminding me how I was misled. I was once married. He never was. One time, I mentioned to him that how much I cared about a man just a couple of years ago. He brought up every single reason why that man wasn’t good enough for me. He still brings that subject up to this day even when I ask him not to. I used to be able to talk with him about everything under the sun getting great advice. Lately, should I bring up anything, and I mean anything, that has to do with my possibly moving or any man that I think is just nice or has been nice to me, you’d think it was the end of the world. It didn’t used to be that way between us and I admit, it hurt. It wasn’t until someone at work let me in on the idea that he has real feelings about me. They’re very reliable and when I said they were crazy they’ve told me on several occasions that I will “find out they’re right one day.” Now what once hurt has turned to confusion. We are completely opposite when it comes to “feelings.” He laughs at me when I cry over a movie or a sad story. I feel like such a child wondering if the words to that song I’ve mentioned are true for him. To sum it all up, I don’t know what to think. The truth is that before he came into my life, I had no desire to ever get involved with anyone seriously again. If you knew why, you’d understand. Now there’s this man that has changed my thinking about that. There’s many more stories but I think I’ve said enough. Every time I tell myself to let it all go, he says something to make me think that fate is asking me to hold on a bit longer. Again, I should know better. I don’t. Thank you so very much for just reading this. It feels nice to get it all out.

[Member]

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