[Sally]

That’s not just a rough marriage that’s a painful pattern.
What stands out isn’t just his mom. It’s that your husband lets her step into your marriage every time there’s conflict. Packing his bags, running to her, letting her insult you, helping him pawn your ring and take your things that’s not normal fighting. That’s him choosing her side over and over.

You’re right when you say you feel married to her too. You are. And the hardest truth is this: you don’t actually have a mother-in-law problem. You have a husband problem. A spouse is supposed to protect the marriage, not hand it over to their parent during arguments.

Ultimatums, silence, kicking him out none of that works because the core issue hasn’t changed. He hasn’t chosen to be your partner first.
Ask yourself this, honestly and quietly: if nothing changed, could you live like this for years? If the answer is no, that matters. Love shouldn’t feel like being ganged up on. You deserve peace in your own marriage.

[Sally]

From what you described, it doesn’t sound like she’s playing you. She hasn’t shut you down, and that’s important. She went on a date with you, even if her sister was there. She gave you her number without you pushing. She said bowling would be dope and even mentioned going to the gym with you. Those aren’t things someone does just to be polite.

At the same time, the fact that you always start the conversations matters. It doesn’t mean she’s not interested, but it does mean she’s not fully invested yet. Being busy is real, especially for someone in 11th grade with clubs and programs, but interest usually shows up as effort eventually.

The best move is to ask her out again with a clear plan and a specific day next week. If she tries to reschedule or suggests another time, that’s a good sign. If she stays vague or keeps pushing it off without offering another option, then she’s probably just being nice. Don’t overthink it. Let her effort tell you the answer.

[Sally]

First, yes a 40-year-old man who lives with his parents and doesn’t make much money can have a girlfriend. That part alone doesn’t disqualify you. What gets in the way isn’t your situation, it’s how small and frozen you feel inside it. You’re stuck living love in your head instead of your real life, and that hurts more the longer it goes on.

About this woman she has a boyfriend. That’s the part you can’t skip over. Even if she complains, even if you feel a connection, she hasn’t chosen you. Right now, most of what you’re feeling is longing mixed with fantasy, not something that’s actually been tested between two people.

The deeper pain here isn’t her. It’s that you’ve been waiting your whole life for someone to pick you, instead of learning how to step forward, imperfectly, and risk hearing no. That fear has protected you, but it’s also kept you alone.
You’re not too old. But nothing changes unless you start acting, even scared. And you deserve more than just watching life pass you by.

[Sally]

You didn’t do anything wrong by trying to be fair to both sides. You were honest, respectful, and you tried to include your family. What went sideways is that your mom turned a relationship into an interrogation and control situation. Talking about CVs, degrees, and witnesses like this is a business deal not how love usually starts. Anyone would feel insulted and defensive, especially when it’s about someone they care about.

At the same time, cutting yourself off completely from your parents is hurting you too. Not because you’re wrong, but because silence creates more misunderstanding. They now see distance, not the pain behind it.

What you can do now is this: calm things down without backing down. Tell your parents you felt judged and hurt, and that their words made you pull away. You don’t need to apologize for loving someone. But you also don’t need to punish yourself by carrying all this alone.

You’re not a bad person. You’re just stuck between love and family expectations. That’s a hard place to stand.

[Sally]

Anyone would feel weird hearing their boyfriend talk in detail about another girl, especially saying how pretty she was and how badly he wanted to talk to her.
The part that matters isn’t whether she was a prostitute or not. The part that matters is why he felt the need to tell you this story at all. When you’re in a relationship, there’s a line between being honest and being careless with your partner’s feelings. Talking about wanting to approach another woman, replaying it, and saying it kept him up at night crosses into uncomfortable territory.

That doesn’t automatically mean he’s cheating or planning to. It does mean he may not realize how his words affect you, or he may be testing boundaries without meaning to.

You don’t need to accuse him. Just tell him calmly that hearing those details made you feel insecure and hurt. See how he responds. A caring partner will listen and adjust. If he brushes it off or keeps doing things like this, that tells you something too.

[Sally]

The good news is you don’t have to make this a big dramatic thing at all. With quiet guys, simple and calm works best. The next time you’re already talking, just say something like, “Hey, I’ve liked talking to you. Do you want to grab coffee sometime?” That’s it. No explaining, no confessing feelings, no pressure.

If he’s interested, he’ll say yes or ask when. If he’s not, it might be awkward for a minute, but it won’t ruin anything long-term, especially since you already see each other around. Right now, all the stress is coming from the waiting and wondering. Asking actually gives you relief, no matter the answer.

You’re not doing anything wrong by liking someone or taking a small risk. Keep it light, keep it normal, and let it be what it is.

[Sally]

Right now, you’re trying to avoid choosing by keeping both doors cracked open. That’s why everything feels messy. You didn’t just have an “innocent conversation.” You gave your number to another woman, hid that you had a girlfriend, and kept it going because you were already emotionally checked out of your relationship. That matters.

Your girlfriend’s insecurity didn’t come from nowhere. You gave her reasons not to trust you, and now she’s reacting by trying to control you. That phone ultimatum isn’t love either it’s fear. And a relationship where one person polices the other will rot fast.

As for the other woman: she already set a boundary. She told you not to contact her. Trying to explain face-to-face after that would cross a line and probably make things worse. Respecting that boundary is the only move that keeps your dignity intact.

Here’s the real choice. Either you fully end things with your girlfriend and accept being single for a while, or you commit and stop looking for exits. Chasing a “better option” while still attached to someone else will keep blowing up in your face. You don’t need a new woman right now. You need clarity.

[Sally]

What you’re stuck on isn’t Kate. It’s the timing. You opened your heart, stepped away because you wanted more, and then he went and tried to build something with someone else. That makes it feel like you were the backup plan, even if that wasn’t his intention. That feeling is real, and it deserves honesty.

But here’s the part that matters. He chose you after life had other options on the table. Not by default. Not because she left. He came back because he wanted a real relationship, and he’s stayed for two years. That’s not silver. That’s a choice, made with clarity.

You don’t need to erase the hurt to move forward. You just need to stop using an old chapter to rewrite the ending you’re already living. Sometimes love isn’t about being first. It’s about being chosen when it finally counts.

[Sally]

This relationship has been circling the same problem for a while. You try, you doubt, you leave, you come back, and nothing actually settles. That doesn’t mean either of you are bad people. It means the fit just isn’t easy, and easy matters more than we’re taught. Yes, relationships take work, but they shouldn’t feel like constant emotional negotiations or like you’re always carrying more weight.

The uncertainty you feel now is important. It’s your gut remembering how this felt before. Promises to change, plans to move with no timeline, needing him to prove effort you’ve already lived this version. Love shouldn’t feel like convincing someone to meet you where you already are.

If you keep seeing him, do it only if you can accept exactly how things are today, not how they might be someday. If you can’t, that’s not failure. That’s clarity. Sometimes walking away isn’t giving up it’s choosing peace.

[Sally]

First, you didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t trick him. You didn’t cross a line on purpose. You caught feelings, and that happens. Him seeing you as a sister doesn’t mean you’re unlovable or that your feelings were silly. It just means he didn’t feel the same way.

What’s hurting you now isn’t just him. It’s that you’re holding on to a version of him that lives in your head. That kind of love feels intense because it never gets tested by real life.

Calling him your brother was you trying to survive the moment, not stupidity. But staying close to him while you feel this way is keeping the wound open.
You don’t need to erase your feelings overnight. Just give yourself space. Distance isn’t punishment it’s mercy. One day, this won’t hurt like this. I promise.

[Sally]

What he said matters. He likes you, he enjoys you, but he’s also putting a ceiling on things early. When someone says they don’t want to think about the future and doesn’t want expectations, that’s usually them saying they want the benefits of a relationship without the weight of one.

Two months isn’t too soon to know if you’re open to building toward something. He doesn’t have to be talking marriage, but hesitating to even call you his girlfriend says something. Especially at 32.

He’s not a bad guy. He’s just being honest about where he’s at. The real question is where you’re at. If you’re falling for him and want something that’s growing forward, staying in this gray area will probably hurt more over time.
Don’t rush to leave. But don’t talk yourself out of what you want either.

[Sally]

From everything you’re describing, it does sound like he likes you. People don’t sit that close, give that much attention, talk you up to others, and keep consistent contact just by accident. The playful stuff, the checking in, the little favors that’s someone who cares and feels comfortable with you.

The fear about ruining the friendship is real. But here’s the thing: feelings don’t usually go away on their own. They just get heavier if you sit on them too long.
You don’t have to make it a big scary confession. You can keep it light. Ask him to hang out one-on-one outside of your usual setting and see how it feels. If he’s into you, you’ll know. And if he’s not, a real friendship can survive honesty.
Just don’t ignore what your gut is already telling you.

[Sally]

When you’re usually calm and confident, feeling nervous like this can feel almost scary, like you’re not in control of yourself anymore. But honestly? Nothing about what you described sounds wrong or fake. It sounds like chemistry mixed with timing and curiosity.

Sometimes one person hits a very specific combination you didn’t even know you were waiting for. That doesn’t mean he’s “the one” yet. It just means your body and heart are paying attention. Nerves don’t always mean danger. Sometimes they mean possibility.

The long-distance part matters though. You only really know who someone is once life shows up, not just great dates and great conversations. So yeah, hold your horses a little. Enjoy the excitement without building the future in your head yet.
Let him show you who he is when he comes back. Stay present. You don’t need to run from the feeling just don’t let it run you.

[Sally]

This back-and-forth is wearing you down, and that makes total sense. Loving someone who keeps pulling close and then pushing you away will slowly break your peace.
Here’s the part that hurts to say: right now, she doesn’t have the emotional space to be in a real relationship. She may care about you, even fantasize about a future, but her actions show she can’t show up consistently. And consistency is what love needs to survive.

You’re doing a lot for her. Supporting her, helping her, waiting. But you’re also shrinking yourself to fit her instability. That’s why you feel stuck and anxious.
You’re allowed to want more than crumbs and mixed signals. If being “almost” with her hurts this much, it’s okay to step back. Love shouldn’t feel like constant confusion.

[Sally]

This is one of those endings that hurts because nothing was actually wrong between you.
From what you wrote, I really believe her. A wedding probably cracked something open in her that she’s been holding shut since the divorce. She went from survival mode back into grief mode. That’s not about you. That’s timing.

The fact that she reached out about the nice day means she still feels safe with you. But safe doesn’t always mean ready. And pushing right now would likely make her retreat more, even if she cares.

If you want any real chance, the best move is patience. Keep it light. Kind. No pressure. Let her come to you at her pace. If she heals and wants you, she’ll step forward.
You didn’t lose her by doing something wrong. You met her while she was still bleeding. That’s just hard truth stuff.

[Member]

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