Relationship Advice Forum with April Masini

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April Masini › Relationship Advice Forum › Relationship Advice Forum › I’m embarassed…I don’t know how to face him!

I’m embarassed…I don’t know how to face him!

April Masini › Relationship Advice Forum › Relationship Advice Forum › I’m embarassed…I don’t know how to face him!

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  • August 9, 2009 at 7:55 pm #1139
    carac
    Participant

    This is a complicated story. I’ll start from the beginning. I have belonged to my current gym for almost 2 years. For almost the entire time I have been a member, I have had a “crush” on this guy. He actually had belonged to a different gym I had belonged to about 3 years ago, and when I joined this gym,I recognized him. At the time he belonged to the other gym, he went there with his girlfriend, so I wasn’t interested in him at that time.

    His ex girlfriend belongs to my gym now, but they are just friends. Someone told me he didn’t have a girlfriend now, but I never had the nerve to talk to him. He is into his workout, and doesn’t seem to notice girls when he is there.
    I guess it took him a while to get over her, because I witnessed him approach her, and argue with her at the gym.
    My point in mentioning her, is because I assumed he was a really nice guy, because of how he seemed to care for her, and continuously chase after her.
    It made me wish I could find a guy, who care for me enough to keep trying to get me back like he did for her. Not to mention the fact I am totally attracted to him, and think everything about him is sexy. He sounds like a total package right? Boy was I wrong!!

    This fri night, I went out to a local bar I go to a a lot. This guy was there! I have never run into him when I go out on the weekends, and I go out practically every weekend. I had a couple of drinks, and was confident, so I approached him. We talked and hung out the rest of the night. I was in heaven and had a great time. BUT, in our conversation, I learned some things about him , that made me realize he isn’t boyfriend material. Such as he has a habit of smoking pot, and he seems to not be over his ex yet.

    Well, at the end of the night. foolish me, I invited him back to my house for a drink. I did it because I wanted to still hang out with him. I was just so happy to be hanging out with this guy I had been crushing for so long. He was a perfect gentleman all night, up until it was time for him to leave my house. He was getting ready to leave, and we started kissing, and before I knew it, we had sex. I had a lot to drink that night, and everything happened so fast. The thing is he was so wild and aggressive in bed, that I ended up bleeding. It made such a mess. My fantasy of him and who I thought he was ended that night.

    I ended up falling asleep, and he left without saying anything. I didn’t realize I bleed until I woke up in the morning. I was so embarassed. Of course he didn’t exchange numbers, so that is how everything was left.
    Now I am so embarrassed because I see this guy every day at the gym, and I don’t know how he is going to act towards me. I also don’t know if he will tell other guys at the gym we had sex. I have never hooked up with anybody at this gym. I don’t want to be uncomfortable and have to leave the gym.

    My question is if I see him, should I just wave, or should I go up to him and just smooth things over? I don’t want any bad feelings between us, just pretend it didn’t happen, and move on. I kind of think HE should approach ME if he is a gentleman.

    Thanks for listening April!
    CC

    August 10, 2009 at 1:01 pm #9855
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    Okay, let me get this straight: [i]You[/i] approached him. [i]You[/i] invited him to [i]your[/i] home. You had sex with him. And now you want to turn the tables and you suddenly expect him to approach you?

    I sincerely doubt that is going to happen. Especially since you learned in the course of your evening that this guy isn’t really boyfriend material. He probably isn’t going to suddenly do a 180 degree turn and become someone he’s not.

    In response to your question about how to face this guy again in daylight because you’re embarrassed about your behavior during the prior night, I think reality is probably the best place to start. No more approaching men you don’t really know, when you’re drunk, and inviting them back to your apartment for sex. And when you go to the gym, I’d suggest you take a cue from this guy who seems to focus on his workout rather than his social life when he’s in the gym. For now.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with meeting someone in the gym — in fact, it’s a great place for singles to meet. But right now, you need to focus on damage control. This guy may tell his friends about his encounter with you, and your reputation may become tainted in your gym. If this happens it’s probably time to change gyms! Unless of course, you’re really there just for the workouts, not the social scene.

    It sounds like you don’t want any more contact with this guy, and I’d swallow your embarrassment if I were you and keep to yourself in the gym. If you lock eyes, you can smile, but I would not advise you to do any more pursuing of this guy. In fact, I never advise women to pursue men. Yes, you’re going to feel embarrassed, and yes, you will get over it with time. But stay on your pilates machine or your spinning cycle, and focus on your workout for now. Not him.

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