April Masini › Relationship Advice Forum › Relationship Advice Forum › Ladies…I need your HELP!
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April Masini.
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March 15, 2012 at 9:57 am #5056
bison
ParticipantThere is this girl that I’m trying to date. I sent her a message the other day because of a problem she has and I offered words of encouragement. Well anyway, we continue to message eash other and I asked her out to dinner. She declined, so I told her that if she has a change of mind the offer was still on. She wrote back and asked what time…I told her…she replyed…K…but then backed out again. Later that night she messaged me and asked how dinner was. This got me thinking…could she be interested and be playing hard to get?
I let 3 days go by without texting her and she did text either. I messaged her Monday morning and asked how her weekend was…to my surprise she replyed back and asked how mine was too. I told her about my weekend, but she would not comment on hers other than she said it was great. I make vague offers about taking her out and she is not telling me no, giving excuses, etc…but gives no indication she is interested. She does keep messaging me. Her replys went from waiting a day or so to responding fairly quick now.
She has some trouble in her life now…and I offered her a book to read. She replyed back that she would like to read it. Now…I can’t get her to go out on a date…but both she and I know that to get the book…we will have to meet. So is she starting to see that I’m interested in her and wants to take things slow? She is divorced from an abusive husband and is handicapped due to a horse riding accident a year ago. Could it be possible that she has doubts that I could see beyond her past and current situation?
How long do I wait to try to get a date with her? How many times do I make an offer? Do I just tell her that I want to date her? Do I ask her if she is even interested at all. This is the girl of my dreams…and I’d sure like to be the one for her. Ladies PLEASE give me some inside info!
March 15, 2012 at 1:32 pm #22563kitkat620
ParticipantHi. I think this girl is just trying to be nice to you. It seems she likes your friendship but does not want it to go any further.
I am in a similar situation right now. I had met a guy and we hit it off, until the first date. He just wasn’t what I expected and I decided then and there that I could not take the relationship any further than friendship. We do text occasionally but I keep it brief because I don’t feel the same towards him as I did when we first met. I do not want to hurt this guy, so I do answer him but keep the answers short and to the point, just as this girl is doing with you.
I hope that by cutting the conversations short he will eventually get the hint and stop all contact. I am avoiding telling him I am not interested because I do not want to hurt or offend him.
I am not saying that this is the way this girl feels, I am just comparing it to how I am handling a similar situation.
Hopefully I am wrong.
Good luck.March 15, 2012 at 3:12 pm #22468April Masini
KeymasterFriendship can be the quicksand of relationships, and men and women just shouldn’t go there…. Ladies, stop being “nice” to guys you don’t want to date by deciding to say no to the date, but stringing him along as a friend! This is what happens: You confuse the guy. You waste his time. 😳 It’s not as nice as you intend it to be.😕 My advice is not to offer this woman friendship. Face it: You don’t want to be her friend — you want to date her. You said she’s the woman of your dreams. Well, then don’t settle for less. Pull away and don’t be so available for now. You need to get out of the shallow end of the Friend Zone. Nice guys finish last, so don’t be one by offering her books and compassion as a friend. It’s not really honest, either. It’s manipulative (if it works!).
Then when a little time has passed, call her and ask her out on a date — dinner, a movie, both — a date that has no ability to be mistaken for a friendly get together. No hanging out. In fact, if you want to pour it on, instead of calling to ask for the date, send flowers with a note, asking for a date, and then follow up with a call if she doesn’t phone to thank you first.
😉 I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link:
[url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1154528031[/url] March 15, 2012 at 4:33 pm #22724ParticipantWhat I can’t understand is…I have not spoken to or have seen this girl in 14 years. I have had no contact with her since high school. We are in no way close friends. Another thing that confuses me. When asked about her great weekend…she dodged the question. Here is where it gets strange. I told her I went to town to see friends and buy concert tickets. She replys back…do you know this band is at this bar…I can’t go…I’m going to visit my sister!…Which she is….Now why would she say that? Those WERE the tickets I purchased…and I told her that I bought one just for her. She mentioned that she wanted to go! So why would she throw those clues out there if she was not interested?
She is also starting to open up about some things…things girls don’t say to just any guy friend….I’m so confused!
March 15, 2012 at 6:15 pm #22425ParticipantOh…forgot to mention….she makes these posts on Facebook that seem to me like she is trying to get my attention…I made a post about being a bad cook and that I need to find one….20 minutes later she posts something about food. I make a post about loving my niece….4 hours later she posts a pic with her and her nephew….Is this ironic or is she wanting my attention? I’m the one that has always been hard to get…so its like she wants me to notice her. Need more input here gals! January 9, 2016 at 9:06 pm #31526KeymasterAsk her out on a date again, and see if she says yes. If she doesn’t, then just move on. 😉 -
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