[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let it go. Dating is a process and it’s a numbers game. It starts with the first time you set eyes on their online dating profiles. Your interaction with this guy was promising, but he didn’t follow through. The reasons for his lack of interest could be that he’s super busy at work, getting out of (or into) a relationship that you don’t know about, is playing the field and is inundated with dating prospects — or he’s simply just not that into you. The thing is, the two of you have never dated so it’s best not to spend too much time invested in wondering. Play the field. Increase your odds of finding that really great guy by flirting and expressing interest beyond this one prospect. Let this one go. He knows where and how to find you. And meet guys who want to date you — so much so that they actually do! 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since the two of you have only been dating for five months, consider this a bump in the road that you can get past. You confronted her, she acknowledged your feelings, expressed understanding of what she did wrong, and apologized. Now, you’re feeling like you’re jealous and worried about this other guy — I get it, and you’re not wrong. But you have to give things time to settle. You’re still relatively new in her life and he’s a friend who will fade away a little (or a lot) as your relationship with her becomes stronger. When a new relationship, like yours, forms, other relationships — family, friends, best friends — all have to jockey for position and accommodate the new relationship. Sometimes this is a graceful process and sometimes it’s not. In this case, you brought to your girlfriend’s attention, behavior she was exhibiting with a male friend, that isn’t appropriate now that she’s in a relationship with you, because it’s disrespectful and her flirtation with this other guy made you feel uncertain of what you had thought was certain. You may have to do this again. She may have to do it with you. It may not be an opposite sex friend next time, it may be her mother, or your mother, or one of your children — but you have the tools to do this and you have to allow yourself to be uncomfortable and process these relationships. They’re fluid. You’re doing great. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your 22 year old boyfriend of a year and a half, has been looking for romance, sex and hookups outside of the relationship. You caught him. He’s admitted it. He says the reason for his behavior includes the fact that for him the relationship went stale. You asked me how it could’ve gone stale for him without your realizing it. The answer is that just because one person is happy or content in a relationship doesn’t mean the other person is. That happens all the time. As for his other reasons, I think they’re just excuses. The bottom line is he’s not interested a relationship that is honest and open, and if you hadn’t caught him, this probably would have gone on indefinitely. I appreciate that he wants you to stay with him, and that choice is yours. But if you do stay, you have to understand that he may simply be too young to want the type of commitment that precludes him from playing the field. He was getting something out of his extracurricular activities that he didn’t get in his relationship with you, and this may have been a spark and excitement that fades over time in most relationships — and requires relationship work to nourish — but it could also have been him not wanting to settle down. You have to figure out which of those two it is. I’m sorry you’re hurt, and I hope this helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The first thing you have to do is start to date. Focus on the women in your life and decide if there is someone you’d like to go out with on a date. If there isn’t, then get to know women at parties, clubs, class, around town — and make small talk with them that leads to conversations. If things go well, invite them to have coffee with you. If that goes well, invite them on a date that can be as simple as a movie or dinner. The more you do this, the more confident you’ll become and the more success in dating and relationships you’ll enjoy. I hope that helps! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since you’re both teenagers, and probably don’t have a lot of dating experience, consider that you’re not the only one who’s unsure of how things should proceed. Guys sometimes feel pressured by social circumstances and especially if he likes you, he may be unsure about what to do. That’s why I suggest that you flirt with him. Let him know you like him and that you’re there. This will give him confidence to proceed without being rejected. Guys want something to chase and when you flirt, you’re giving him the message that you’re interested as well — that’s what he can chase after. Of course, that means you have to see him to flirt with him, so show up at the pub and if he is there, great — if he isn’t you can try to discreetly find out when he will be working and make it a point to show up then.

And… in the meantime, play the field. It’s great to like someone, but since you’re not dating and that possibility is up in the air, don’t put all your eggs in that basket and make yourself crazy worrying about this one person. Increase your odds of finding someone interesting to date by showing up at his pub to flirt, but also considering your other options as well. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

When a guy wants to date you, he will. That’s the bottom line, and it’s how you get out of your confusion. The two of you spent a night together in a hotel, but since then, he’s gone off and lived his own life and hasn’t really given you the kind of attention that a guy who wants to date you, will. I know this is probably disappointing, but it would be a shame if you wasted your time worrying, wondering, acting confused and shutting yourself off from other dating options — because you want him to ask you out and he isn’t. My advice is to play the field and look elsewhere for love. It’s very easy to crush on someone you work with because you see them so often and you see them in a good light — but if he’s not reciprocating your feelings with actions that show his interest, then protect yourself and move on. You can still flirt with him, but don’t invest too much in the relationship.

I know that’s disappointing, but I hope it helps in the bigger picture. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

She’s got a boyfriend, and you are trying to compete for her. That’s fine! But… I don’t know what you did that creeped her out, but whatever it was, she’s needing some space. Wait a while and ask her out on a date. Invite her to have dinner. If she’s really, truly committed to this other guy, then hang back and be successful. Women love successful guys and if she sees you doing well at work, with other women, in the community, etc. — you’ll be more interesting to her and maybe even more attractive. Sometimes playing it cool and playing the field is the best way to get a woman’s attention. 😎

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Try to understand that since you’ve only been dating for two months, popping by unannounced feels like a privacy violation. If you’d done this after dating for a year or two, it would seem more normal. But because you don’t know each other that well, it’s too soon to do “drive by visits”. It also makes you look a little desperate when you go to her house because she didn’t answer your text quickly enough. 😕 Time for you to chill. 😎 Send her beautiful flowers with a note that explains you’re sorry and that from here on in, you’ll lay back even when you want to see her because you’re crazy about her. And then walk the walk. If she’s sick, ask if there’s anything you can do. If she doesn’t respond or says no, hang back. Don’t show up unannounced and don’t call or text too much — you want her to think that you want to see her — not that you’re desperate or neurotic. Take a breath and enjoy. I hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s a shame that you’ve been dating for two years before he told you that he doesn’t want to marry — but at least he’s being clear with you so you can decide what’s right for you, now. 😉 Knowing that he’s clear in his decision at age 34 (thanks to your pre-posting questionnaire), should be a signal to you that there’s a compatibility problem. You want marriage and he doesn’t. You’re clear and he’s clear. Instead of trying to talk him into something he doesn’t want, why not accept it? If marriage is important to you, then you have to find someone who wants marriage.

I know you love each other, but the sticking point is marriage. If you want to stay together because of love, and give up on marriage you can continue to date him long distance, but I think you’re going to have a hard time giving up on marriage, and you’ll spend your time trying to convince him to marry you, and it’s going to push him away and subsequently, end the relationship. 😳

As for the long-distance relationship situation, you mentioned in your pre-posting questionnaire that you see each other three times a year because of the distance, so that means you’ve had six visits together in total. If you choose to date someone who is in town and not long distance, you may learn more about him more quickly because of the frequency of dates that you just didn’t have in the long-distance relationship. I think that you should go for what you want — love and marriage — but understand you won’t get it from him. You’ll have to find someone else who wants both.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If a guy texts you after the first date that he had a good time, it means that he has good manners, and he really enjoyed himself with you! 🙂 If you don’t hear from him in the next 24 hours it’s because he’s cool. It’s also because he has a life and he’s busy. And he may be playing the field, so you’re not the only one he’s dating. He could also be very interested in asking you out again, but doesn’t want to appear needy, so he’ll wait a few days or more to reach out. Of course, it may also mean that he had good manners, but he isn’t interested, and you won’t hear from him again — but time will tell on that one. In the meantime, don’t sit by the phone! Live your life and have fun. You had a good first date with a nice guy. Play the field. Be positive and try not to be anxious over this time lapse. It’s normal. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You only dated for two months, and that didn’t go very well. Then you tried to be friends and that didn’t go well, either. It sounds like the best thing for you to do is to move on. When someone doesn’t want to be your friend, especially after you dated them and broke up, it’s best to just let it go so you can be single and find someone with whom you’re truly compatible.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since you’ve only been dating a month — you shouldn’t worry, [b]but[/b] you also shouldn’t have a commitment yet. It’s way too soon to know each other well enough to say you’re official. Committing too quickly, like you’re doing, puts pressure on the relationship to be monogamous before you know enough about yourselves as a couple. In fact, you’re feeling that pressure right now! The reason you’re worried about this other woman is because you really don’t know him well enough, he doesn’t know you well enough and you’re right that he and this other woman don’t really know what’s going on with them well enough for ANY of you to be in a committed relationship. So here’s my advice: Take the pressure off yourself and the relationship. Relax. Date each other and play the field (knowing he’s doing the same… ) and use the dating process to really get to know each other. Give yourselves three months of dating to see if you even want to continue seeing each other. If you do, then use the second three months to see if you want to be monogamous. Hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s lost interest. 😳 Long distance relationships are tough and since you’ve known him for 28 months, but only had two visits (one month, each), that’s really not enough time to get to know each other well enough to get married — and I think that’s what you’re finding out the hard way. He’s making it very clear with his behavior that he doesn’t want to get married to you or continue this relationship in a serious way. My advice is to accept that reality and if you do want to get married, which I think you do, find someone to date who is local. That way you don’t have the financial pressures that long-distance dating brings, and you can get to know them much more easily and much more thoroughly — and much more quickly than in this relationship where you’ve only spent two out of 28 months together! 😉

I’m sorry this is disappointing to you. But it’s best to accept the fact that the relationship is slowly dwindling away and move on so you can go for what you want in life. 😀

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’ve never asked her out on a date, which is why you’re not getting clarity from her. 😯 If you want her to be clear with you, you have to be clear with her. 😉 If this is a woman you want to date, then you have to ask her out. If you just want to hang out, text and blur the lines, then expect a fuzzy response — which is what you’re getting and not liking. 😳 You’re in the driver’s seat. Decide what you want — and act! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think you should tell her your feelings. I know you’re anxious that she’s meeting with her husband and you don’t want to lose your advantage, so you think that telling her your feelings will put your chip on the board and give her something to look forward to, but the reality is that she’s in the process of a divorce and it’s much better for her (and for you) if she decides to divorce her husband and goes through with it because of what happened between the two of them. You see, if she divorces him because of you — and the two of you have a fight or things start to go sour in a relationship you may have with her, she’ll look back to him as a saving grace because she’ll think she left him for you. But if she left him on her own and divorced him on her own, she’s going to start dating you, when she does, because she’s single, free and wants to be with you!

So hang tight — you’re interested in a married woman who is trying to get divorced. Let her. Don’t interfere. And when she is you’ll feel much better about the two of you. I hope that helps! 🙂

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