(Mods– please approve this one, I forgot to sign in last post)
Hi April,
I have just gone through a rollercoaster three months with a guy, Z. We were introduced by a mutual friend a few years back and started talking late spring. This friendship developed over the summer, during which we talked all the time, and each time I saw him (we were in different states), there was great conversation and chemistry. When I went to visit other friends in his hometown, I told him and he picked me up from the airport and made arrangements with my friends and took me home to have lunch with his family. That trip, I saw him everyday and he was constantly checking up to see what I was doing and meeting me whereever I was. However, he never made a move.
I found out later that he had broken up with his (ex)girlfriend in the late spring, and was single over the summer. He kept asking me to come visit before going back to school. However, as fall approached and school started again, I heard that he had briefly gotten back together with his ex, and then broke up again. During this entire time of us talking, etc, he had never mentioned her. Yet whenever I was in his city he’d come meet me wherever I was even if it took a 30 minute commute at 1 in the morning (to a party, that is).
So he came to visit this weekend, and basically I found out (through our mutual friend) that he feels more than platonic towards me and liked me over the summer but didn’t know how to tell me. But, he told our friend that he’s in a difficult situation with his ex gf recently and because he had gotten to know me and likes me, he didn’t want to just hook up with me and make me the rebound because he didn’t think it was fair to me.
We ended up having a conversation about this– I was very frank about the fact that I liked him and have loved getting to know him, and he likewise told me that he thinks there’s something here but he doesn’t want to drag me along on the drama he is going through with his ex. I have a feeling he’s trying to amend things with her so they can be friends but he told me it has been difficult because she has been forcing their friends to take sides. I can only imagine that after a year long relationship, emotions are hard to shake overnight.
I can’t tell if what happened was a good thing or a bad thing. It’s good to know that what I felt over the summer was mutual, but it’s kind of a bummer that even though there is this chemistry, I can’t pursue it. I’m not sure what I should do going forward. Forget about all this? Still talk to him?
Hoping for some advice. Thanks, April!
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