April Masini › Relationship Advice Forum › Relationship Advice Forum › Being more than a friend… Questions!
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April Masini.
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December 10, 2015 at 3:25 pm #7135
Eloise
ParticipantI met this guy a few weeks ago here at college. We live on the same floor in the dorms, and although we only met him recently he has quickly become close with our group of friends. He comes over almost every night to my roommate and my room to play music and sing with us and my roommates boyfriend, as well as just to talk and hang out, or sometimes watch a movie, or occasionally we all go stargazing…
Anyway, he is one of the nicest people I have ever met and although I like him quite a bit I am having trouble discerning if he likes me back. We have many good one on one conversations, and I know he enjoys me as a friend. He makes eye contact and compliments me but I don’t know if it’s more than he compliments my friends, and he hasn’t made any moves to touch me…. Just to hang out every night. And we are good friends after just a few weeks.
So I’m wondering, should I tell him I like him? Maybe casually/jokingly remark how sweet he is and that I can’t tell if he’s a bro or if I have a crush on him? I want to be proactive but I don’t want to put him in an awkward situation or ruin what is currently a lovely friendship. I worry that leaving it too long might get me permanently in the friend zone, but on the flip side I don’t want to force things.
How do I get him to see me as more than a friend?December 10, 2015 at 6:23 pm #31363April Masini
KeymasterHe definitely likes you! 😎 And your instinct to not want to be in the friend zone is a good one, but…. instead of telling him you like him, instead, flirt with him and be a little more provocative in your flirting. The reason is that it gives him a sign that you like him as more than friends, and it also gives him the opportunity to be the one to lead — by telling you how much he likes you first, and to ask you out on a date.😉 December 11, 2015 at 12:49 pm #31378ParticipantHi April,
Thank you so much for your reply! From what I can find this is hands down the best advice site out there, because you really take the time to answer our questions. I sure appreciate it!I’m of course thrilled to hear you think he likes me
😀 even though I still have my doubts. He is so nice to EVERYONE that it’s hard to tell. And things like him not making any effort to be physically close, even when sitting next to each other while we all watch a movie… And the fact that he fits into our friend group so well that it seems very possible he hangs out with us so much because he just plain likes all of us as good friends…My other problem is that I’m SO bad at flirting with guys I’m genuinely already good friends with. Many of my closest friends growing up were guys, and I have also rejected but remained good friends with quite a few dudes. Even when I do like someone I’m very good at not showing it (to the point where my close girlfriends don’t even guess), and I often put myself in a bro-type situation until eventually I move on. So I’m way more comfortable and very confident in being platonic.
I so far haven’t really “flirted” with him any more than to hang out, talk with him, play music, and invite him to do things with me and my friends. So on the outside we are giving each other the same non-signals. But I feel like if he DID like me he would actually pursue me. The chance that he’s thinking the same exact things as me seems way smaller than that he’s actually just not into me in that way…
(On the other hand there is a small chance that he hasn’t thought about me in that way but might if I told him. Or even that he’s a little intimidated because I’m a year older, have seen the world a bit-which I know he admires-and I’m kinda the mom of our friends group sometimes…)
I wish I knew how to signal to him that I like him without embarrassing myself. I want him to know he can pursue me, but I’m worried if I try anything he’ll realize that I’m interested and feel like he needs to stop coming over so as not to lead me on.
December 12, 2015 at 11:58 am #31386ParticipantHi April,
Thank you for your advice! (I tried to post this before so sorry if this becomes a duplicate!)I’m thrilled you think he likes me
😀 though I still have my doubts. Last night we all got a little tipsy and ended up close on the couch🙂 but as we watched a movie and he sobered up he stopped being snuggly. Although he didn’t shrug my head off of his shoulder, he also didn’t make any effort to be close.Why would he do this unless he’s just not into me? I realize I can’t rule out him having a girlfriend back home because we’ve never talked about it… But I don’t think so. The moments I think I DO have a chance are when I think about all the time he spends with us (almost every night since late Nov when we all first met) or when he compliments my voice, or says I’m one of the nicest people he’s ever met, or tries to make weekend plans with my roommate, her bf, and me. But he’s just as nice to my roommate, and SO nice to EVERYONE that it’s hard to read.
You said to be more flirty, but I’m worried (esp after last night) that he won’t make a move (or is possibly intimidated by me being a year older, having seen the world a bit, and being kinda the mom of our friends group). I have a feeling nothing might happen unless I take the lead. Unfortunately my roommate is almost always around, and even when she isn’t… Do I take his hand? Try to kiss him? Tell him and see what he says? There are a couple of chances coming up that we’ll be semi-alone (or at least sitting next to each other in the dark, like a movie) or had a couple beers (when he gets more snuggly) and I feel like I need a plan.
December 12, 2015 at 2:15 pm #31389KeymasterDefinitely do not take the lead. 😕 When you do, you take that opportunity away from him. My advice is to flirt with him so he knows you’re into him, and if he wants to make a move, he will because he’s got something to chase after. And if he’s not that into you, then you should understand that you’re not going to be everybody’s cup of tea — nor is he. Sometimes it’s just not a match.😉 -
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