Relationship Advice Forum with April Masini

I Bee-Lieve

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I don’t understand this woman

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  • October 20, 2008 at 10:21 am #780
    GPM
    Participant

    Hello to all,
    I’m new here. I’m a 33 yr single male, and I need help to understand what this woman is really trying to tell me.
    Here’s my story:
    I met this woman on-line about two and half months ago. We really have lots in common, and I mean LOTS in common. For about 2 months, we were chatting online about every day (for a few hours every time). We both really enjoyed our “conversations”. We’ve never actually met in person however. This is the reason: before meeting online, she was already planning on returning to her home country for an undertermined period of time (probably a year or two). So she didn’t want to get involved in relationship before leaving, and then suffer from a distance relationship.
    Now she’s in her home country. We still email eachother on very regualar basis. I’d like to wait for her return, but I’m getting mixed signals.
    On one side, she says:
    -I miss you, I like you, you’re a very special guy
    -She calls me “dearest”
    -She says: “If I wasn’t gone, you’d be my boyfriend.”
    -I asked her what her reaction would be if I fell in love with somebody else and her answer was: It would kill me.

    On the other side:
    -she gave me her “permission” to date other women because she doesn’t want me to wait for her. She wants me to be happy, and a distance relationship might be difficult emtionally for me (“us”).

    My question is: What does she want? If she likes me, why does she want me to date other women? I’m so confused. What’s she trying to tell me: wait for me or don’t wait for me?

    Thanks for your responses!

    October 20, 2008 at 12:54 pm #8580
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    She has told you exactly what she thinks you should do — you need to date other women.

    Whether you like it or not she is in another country for “an undetermined period of time”. Neither you (nor she) should be waiting for the other. And quite frankly, based upon your post I feel certain she is not sitting there, on the other side of the world, “waiting for you”. Yours is a fantasy relationship. You’ve never even met this woman and, again, based upon her comments, you likely never will.

    Bottom-line: Regardless of how much you think you have in common — unless you are only looking for a pen-pal type of relationship — I would strongly advise you to stop trying to see more complicated meaning in her remarks than what’s truly there.

    She told you:
    1) she doesn’t know when (or if) she’s coming back to the US
    2) she told you to date other women, and
    3) [u]she told you that you should not wait for her.[/u]

    [i][b]How much clearer do you need her to be?[/b][/i]

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