Desperately Confused

Let me help you cut through the confusion because your feelings are preventing you from seeing clearly what the reality is. Your co-worker wants to hook up with you. On the side. He is committed to his live in girlfriend of two years, and isn’t going to break up with her for you. He will, however, cheat on her with you, which you’ve already dabbled in a little. But you’re not going to be number one. She is. You will always be number two (at least) with this guy.

He doesn’t need any prodding. He knows how to get a girlfriend! If he wanted to ask you out on a date or make you his girlfriend, he has the tools to do it….but he doesn’t do it because he wants his girlfriend to be, well, his girlfriend! At most, you’ll be someone he cheats with. He’s just looking for something extra on the side. So, in answer to your questions at the bottom of your post, you can prod him all you want while his girlfriend’s out of town, and you can probably get him to sleep with you, but you’re not going to get him to break up with his girlfriend. And even if he did, think about how low you’d be stooping to get — a guy who cheats!! You’re having to wait until the girlfriend goes out of town to try and push this guy into being with you?? Sorry, but that’s a little pathetic. You should raise the bar for yourself and consider taking a higher road in life.

As for his romantic feelings for you — I’m not sure they’re romantic. He likes you and he wants to have sex with you. But you really need to consider why you want someone who’s not available to you, and who doesn’t want to break up with his girlfriend for you.

My intuition tells me he’s not Mr. Right — he’s more like Mr. Right Now. Or more specifically, Mr. Works the Same Restaurant Shift I Do. It’s not easy to meet men, and a lot of men and women meet on the job. My suggestion to you is to get out more and start looking for places where you can meet men who are single, and not taken. They’ll be much more likely to ask you out right away because they’re [i]ready[/i] to be in a relationship with you. This guy is just going to continue to waste your time leading you on. So don’t let him. You take charge of your own life.

I’ve got an entire chapter in my book, Think & Date Like A Man, on where to meet eligible men. You should read it! (You can click on the Dating Advice Books link at the top of the page and scroll down until you find the book. It’s $15.95 and you can download it immediately and skip to that chapter. But I’d also recommend your reading the other chapters. They’ll help you out of this love life rut you’re in.)

Once you’re with someone who’s available and committed to you, you’re going to look back at this crush on this guy and wince. He’s going to seem like a mini-blip on the radar screen that is your love life!

Glad I could help. And even more glad that you’re moving in a healthy and happy direction. Good luck! Stay strong!