Relationship Advice Forum with April Masini

I Bee-Lieve

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confused

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  • June 21, 2010 at 9:53 am #2593
    jenlucky13
    Participant

    My boyfriend and I were friends for about 4 years before we got together. We have now been together almost 2 years. When we got together, he had only been divorced about 6 months. He also has had problems finding jobs due to a rocky work history but has been in his current job for over a year. He doesn’t have any college and only retail experience. I work full time have been with the same company almost 4 years and am currently working on my masters degree.
    Well things were great and he moved in with me about a year ago. I thought everything was fine until 4 months ago he said he wasn’t sure he could do this because I had anger problems (which was right because I have a hard time dealing with stress sometimes). Which I went to a few sessions of counseling for and everything seemed better after that. The counseling seemed to get very pricey and the counselor and I weren’t a good match so thats why I stopped going and he said that was okay because he agreed. Well a few weeks ago as I thought things were going fine, I came home to all of his stuff gone. He showed up later that night saying he just wanted to be alone, felt depressed, unhappy with the relationship and everything around him. I was extremely upset and never expected that. The next day he came over to talk and decided he loved me, cared about me, didnt want to lose me but decided he was going to stay with his parents for a little while to get a grasp on his life, where he wants to go etc. He also promised that if things were ever bothering him again he would talk to me before doing something so drastic.
    Now that this has been going on, I’m learning to deal with him not being there and things are going great but suddenly yesterday he started bringing up moving back in, marriage, and long term things. I am so confused!.. Part of the reason he left was he felt that 2 years was fast to be moving in, talking about marriage etc, moving to another state together…. And now he’s bringing it up??!?
    Im not sure what to think. I’m scared to fall for all this but maybe he just needed time away? I’m not sure?? I’m just really confused….

    June 21, 2010 at 9:05 pm #14301
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    He’s not marriage material. Sorry. 🙁

    Marriage is a tough gig, and if he’s going to move out with no notice to you, he’s not going to make it in a marriage with real problems that include health, money, in-laws, children, family, career, etc. If he felt that after two years he didn’t know you well enough to move in with you, but did so anyway, and is now back pedaling on that mistake, what can you expect at the five year mark? The ten year mark?

    Sometimes it’s easy to let a man who’s been a friend slide under the radar you’d normally use to assess whether or not a man is marriage material, and it sounds like that’s what you did with this guy.

    Use this time to make a clean break of things, and get my book, Think & Date Like A Man, that you can download here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], so you can better understand how to date carefully and wisely — and find Mr. Right without wasting time with guys who will move out in the middle of the night! 😕

    I hope that helps, and that you’ll join me on Facebook here: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=ts[/url]. 😀

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