- This topic has 5 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 15 years, 7 months ago by
amy3.
-
AuthorPosts
-
January 25, 2010 at 10:37 am #1514
amy3
Participantim 18 years old and met someone at work, he soon told me he liked me and we started talking alot more and i really like this guy too. he has two children- one is step and one is hes. he also has another one on the way but he says they havnt been together since june. the only reason they have one on the way is becuase they got drunk one night. but after a while of seeing him i started to wonder about his age, i knew he was older but not by how much. after a while i found out how old he is, he is 16 years older than me! so i ended what i had with him because it seemed so wrong. we agreed to stay friends but ever since this he hasnt really spoken to me as he said he ‘ feels too strongly for me and its hard wanting something you cant have. hes trying to get hes head around being just friends’. the problem is i do really like him alot and when we dont speak even if its just for a day i really miss him. i spoke to one friend and she said age shouldnt matter if you like someone that much. i just want a second opinion on what to do. is it wrong to have a relationship with this guy? January 25, 2010 at 4:27 pm #12806April Masini
KeymasterRun! 😮 This guy isn’t right for you, and it’s not because of his age. He’s got one child, one step-child, and one baby on the way with someone he says he got drunk with, had unprotected sex with, and is now going to co-parent with. If my math is right, that’s three baby mamas he has to deal with, and if you have any kind of relationship with him, YOU will have to deal with them, too. Plus you’re only 18, which, I know, I know, it’s just a number, but you DON’T have the life experience necessary to begin to handle what he will put on your plate if the two of your become involved.
If you like older guys, go for one who’s got cleaner baggage. A divorced older guy with one or two kids from a prior marriage is a lot better than this guy is for you. By all means, pick someone who’s older than you if that’s what you like, but stay away from someone who’s got too many messy relationships that will be part of your life.
I hope that helps!
January 25, 2010 at 5:02 pm #13224Participantthankyou for replying. but sorry i dont think i explained properly in the first place. the three children have the same mum which is his ex, he went back to see his two children-one which isnt biologically his and thats when the thrid was conceived- i know its still drunken and unprotected sex and that though. but about the older guy thing i would never have gone for someone more than 5 years older than me, its only because we started talking as friends at work then he told me he really liked me and as we started talking i realized i liked him too. i knew he was older than me (not by 16 years though!) but i didnt think it would bother me becuase age doesnt change the person who he is.
Alot of guys i have been with in the past havnt really liked me for me, instead they were with me for other reasons and thats why its really hard because im quite a big girl, and hes really skinny and he tells me he loves me for the way i am- but yes i know he could just be saying that but its been like this for the last 3 and a half months and i havnt even kissed him becuase i didnt want to become too attached and hes still here.
do you still think i should leave it?
January 26, 2010 at 5:04 pm #13049KeymasterThank you for clarifying! Since you did, what I would recommend is different: I think it’s fine to be with a man who’s older than you are, as long as you’re of age, which you are. However, it doesn’t really seem like age is the issue here. It seems like he’s not entirely on board for dating you, and it’s in your best interest and his to let him be the one to ask you out if he’s ready and willing. At that time you can definitely say yes and date him, but don’t you be the one to ask him out, kiss him first or take the lead in any way.
If he only wants to be friends, as he’s said, then you have to respect that. You can still flirt with him in the hopes that he’ll change his mind, but if he doesn’t, don’t deny what he’s saying or the way he’s behaving. He may feel overwhelmed with his personal life — so much so that he doesn’t think he’s ready for a relationship. Or he may be more involved with his ex, since they have three children together, then he’s willing to let on.
So, don’t worry about his age, as I’d advise you to be mindful of his behavior.
I hope that helps.
January 26, 2010 at 7:17 pm #12112Participanti think its the other way around- he has made all of the first moves since the beginning,and he seemed pretty serious about the relationship i.e he was going to change hes work hours to see me, and give me a key to hes flat etc . he has always asked to see me, spoke to me first and he tried kissing me but i pulled away becuase of the whole age thing and the fact i dont know if hes genuine about me so i didnt want to become too attached before getting advice. and it seems he only wants to be friends because hes hoping that i will change my mind and get back with him. he made a comment like ‘yea i will be your best and closest male friend until things change as relationships work best when its built on friendship’
thank you again!
January 27, 2010 at 1:09 pm #12276KeymasterI hope that the friendship works out for you. Let me know if there’s anything you need here.
Good luck!
-
AuthorPosts
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.