- This topic has 1 reply, 2 voices, and was last updated 15 years, 6 months ago by
April Masini.
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February 14, 2010 at 2:22 am #1699
relationshipa1
KeymasterHi, I really need advise with my current relationship. We have been together for almost 3 years both very loyal. Our compatibility are very high, we both enjoy the same things as one another. For the past year and half I have found my self not to be as physical attracted to my partner and it has been bothering me a lot. I find myself not wanting to do much with her when wanting to do things and i shut her off a lot and i am always down. I hate myself to feeling this way but with experience to my last relationship I found attraction to be very important in a relationship, not the only thing but definitely on top of the list. Another impact would have to be my parents, my parents think she is a lovely girl but don’t think we match as first impressions, so they don’t really know how well we are compatible but from first impressions and how they know me as their child they don’t think we are a match. She really is a very special person with a great soul and heart and loves and supports me all the time so its becoming really difficult as to what to do. Is this is normal thing with some couples ? Does attraction eventually fade out as an importance in a relationship ? I really don’t want to make a wrong decision or either staying with her and then breaking her heart later in time while on the other hand potentially loosing a soul mate. Another aspect that has bothered me is with how i notice the type of physical attraction of women i like when in public, not sexually but just in attraction. My partner is not fat but is a litle overweight , she was alot thinnner when we first met and dated and did tell me she would never eat because she was un-happy in the past but since being together obviously she has been happy and has gained a lot more weight, I have told her about her weight, very sensitive topic for ladies i will admit, and she has said she will try but come a year later no change, i feel you cna change a person and who they are so why try to change them . Please help! We are both 25yrs old
February 15, 2010 at 6:14 pm #12525April Masini
KeymasterIt sounds like one of the big problems in your relationship is that you’re not attracted to your girlfriend of three years any more because she’s gained weight. You’re right that this is a sensitive topic for women, but the reality is that appearance matters to men (and women), and that if she’s close to your age of 25, she shouldn’t have trouble losing the weight and exercising to be more fit. You’re also right that if she wants to lose the weight and look better for herself and for you, she could. That she chooses not to may be an indication of her own discomfort in the relationship. That you say you are depressed, or “down”, a lot and that you’re not wanting to be with her as much as you used to indicates to me that you may be wanting to date other women. Your parents approval of this woman sounds like an excuse you’re using to find a way to break up with her. In fact, what I’m hearing you NOT saying is that you’re a really nice guy because you know she has assets, and you don’t want to freak her out about her weight loss, but you’re losing interest, and you’re wishing you were with someone else.
I think it’s time for you to start dating other women. It’s not fair to either one of you to be dating someone who’s depressed when they’re around you and don’t want to spend too much time together, while looking at other women who seem to be attractive. You don’t have to feel guilty about breaking up as long as you do it instead of staying in a dying relationship. Cut both yourself and her free to move on and find someone who makes you each feel good about being in a relationship — not down.
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