Relationship Advice Forum with April Masini

I Bee-Lieve

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How to get a guy to be more considerate?

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  • April 16, 2010 at 11:05 pm #2170
    yellowstar
    Participant

    How do you get a guy to realize he’s being a jerk? Mine wants to withdraw everytime I get upset with him about anything. If I yell, he puts up all fronts and gets distant, and turns things around as if I’m overreacting. It takes something extremely severe to make him find fault in his actions and apologize.
    It seems the more you push it, the worse the situation gets, but ignoring it doesn’t have any impact either.
    I don’t expect flowers or for him to get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness, but a simple acknowledgment that he was in error would be in order.

    Backstory: We’re in our late 20s, live together, and have been dating for almost four years. The “jerk” action pissing me off currently is that I needed to vent about something external via phone, he was busy and didn’t have time to talk, I called again two hours later and he was no longer busy… He was socializing and hadn’t considered that I was still standing by waiting for him to call me back. Just an example. It’s always little things like this.

    April 19, 2010 at 1:29 pm #11532
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    I’m glad you mentioned the particular issue you’re having. It sounds like he forgot you were waiting for a call back or else didn’t realize you needed a call back. If you were clear and he forgot your call back, then it’s hard to blame him for something he honestly mistook. In that case, you’re going to have to make the second call to get what you need from him, knowing he’s forgetful. Some people are.

    However, if he’s purposefully ignoring your call back, then understand that he doesn’t want to be the guy you get to vent to about external events — whatever they are. Rather than try and make him be someone he isn’t, look to another friend to be your person you vent to about these situations.

    You’ll be a lot happier if you don’t expect things from him that he can’t (or consistently won’t) give you.

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