Hi April,
I am 20 years old and have been with my fiance for about 4 years. I have had a HUGE jealousy problem all along, and can’t seem to get rid of it. It’s ruining our relationship and I want it to stop, and for us to just be happy. You see, when we first got together he had a bunch of female friends that he had, at one point, had a crush on. I would find ‘babygirl’ as a contact in his phone, and I had to ask him numerous times to delete it because I was uncomfortable with it. The main problem I’ve had is a girl named S. They were best friends since 6th grade, and I was fine with them talking when we got together in 10th grade. What made me decide that I didn’t want them talking, was when I found out that when I was invited to go to church with him, it was so she could “approve” of me. He told me once before that he had a crush on her but it didn’t last long and they decided that it was better to stay friends, and he started calling her his sister. Well..a couple years after me and him being together, I found some emails going back and forth between him and S and..well…I don’t think you call your sister babygirl and tell her that you think about her all the time and love her etc.All the emails were sent when we were 5 months into the relationship. He asked her if there were any guys she liked and all and never once mentioned that he was with me until she asked, and she didn’t even get my name right! He told me he forgot all about those emails and when he was sending them to her, he says he didn’t know that you’re not supposed to talk to females like that when you are with someone else. He lost contact with her and says he hasn’t talked to her in a while, but every now and then he tells me thats he wonders how she is doing and wants to talk to her again. I asked why and he told me that he wants to talk to her about things he can’t talk to me about and wants to hang out with her. I asked him if he could avoid hanging out alone with her and he said that they would just be in his room, watching a movie or something. I am very uncomfortable with them two being alone together in his bedroom, on his bed. We live together now and it’s been a while since he’s even seen her, but I am so scared that his feelings for her didn’t go away. If I ask him his reasons of not wanting to be with her, he says “I don’t know, I just don’t.” That answer isn’t good enough for me. If he doesn’t have any reasons not to be with her, then we have some problems. After 4 years he was able to come up with a couple reasons, but should it really be that hard if you truly don’t want to be with someone? I have gotten so bad with my jealousy problem that I accuse him of going behind my back, lying to me, staring at other girls while we’re out…etc. We now have a 2 month old baby together and I just want to be happy. Is there any way I can get rid of my jealousy problem? Even if it takes a while, I just want it gone!
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