He says one thing but does another

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  • #2404
    relationshipa1
    Keymaster

    I am seven months pregnant and after a really bad break up with my ex I thought that I would never date again but in February I met an extremely nice guy at my college library. We’ve been “seeing” each other ever since and so far I’ve found nothing wrong with the guy. He makes me food when I spend the night, adjusts the showers heat for me (He enjoys cold showers while I like my showers hot), loans me his clothes/jacket, checks to make sure I’m okay and has even taken me to the clinic a couple of times for my prenatal check up. Recently though he’s gotten into the habit of reminding me that our relationship is nothing more then friends with benefits. Even though theres an obvious mutual feelings going on between us and apparently before me he has never been one to cuddle while asleep. I’ve tried my best to keep it purely physical but its hard when he does these things and I’m not sure if I understand what he wants from me any more.

    Although I want to be with him because he not only makes me feel safe but he also makes me feel appreciated. He’s been completely supportive the past few months and the fact that I’m pregnant doesn’t seem to bother him. To everyone else we seem to be in a relationship that he’s constantly denying…

    #13761
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    You’re denying the obvious. 😳 I’m not sure how long you’ve been dating this guy, but it seems from your post that you started dating him after you were already pregnant with another man’s baby. Now that your due date is approaching in less than 10 weeks, he doesn’t want the responsibility of being your baby’s father or step father or surrogate step father. That’s why he’s backing off and reminding you that what you have isn’t serious. The more pregnant you’ve become, the more he’s had a chance to accept reality, and he’s decided he isn’t ready to be in a serious relationship with you. I know you want someone to take care of you emotionally and in other ways, too, but he doesn’t want the job.

    My advice is to take his words seriously and don’t plan on co-parenting with him or even counting on him once the baby comes. You’d do best to get ready to be a single mother, and if you can enjoy his company, then do so, but don’t pretend that he’s part of your nuclear family. He isn’t — and he doesn’t want to be. At least not now.

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